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We're home! Not just home from the hospital, but home to our own house! This is the moment I have been looking forward to for the last 3 months, but when we brought Ellie home from the hospital Thursday night it wasn't quite the glorious reunion I had imagined. We were greeted by box upon box of medical supplies and equipment. Oh the equipment! We have stationary suction, portable suction, a pulse oximeter, an oxygen concentrator, a stationary oxygen tank for back up, portable oxygen tanks, a feeding pump and pole, an air compressor and humidifier for Ellie's trach mask. I thought I would feel happy but all I felt was scared, overwhelmed, panicked, inadequate, trapped, sad, and tired...so very tired! I spent 90% of the day Friday crying as I looked around my house that looked more like a hospital storage room than a home and the reality of our new life hit me full force. This is not just oxygen for a couple of months. This is altering our life forever. A life I didn't sign up for, that I didn't want. I felt like I was drowning. That was five days ago. In the last five days we have started to get things organized and figure out a routine. I wish I could say everything is better now. Each day has gotten a little easier (emphasis on little) as we move forward and figure out how to make this work. I still wish I could just say, "I give up! I fail this challenge!"and the last year would be washed away and life would go back to the way we planned it to be. But I can't do that. I have no other choice but to keep putting one foot in front of the other and take it a day at a time. I hope one day I will look back at this post and say, "Look how far we've come!"  In the mean time we are slowly working on transitioning the older kids home with us. We started with some visits during the day with the kiddos, but they would still sleep at my parents' house. We couldn't refuse when Mason and Brynn begged to move back home and sleep in their bunk beds so they are now home full time with us. Miles spends the day with us but is still sleeping at my parents' house for the time being. As crazy as it can be having all the kids here while trying to take care of Ellie it feels good to be together as a family again.