Lessons Learned

A few months ago a sweet friend of mine shared this quote from Elder Ronald A. Rasband's April 2012 LDS General Conference talk with me.

"If you come upon a person who is drowning, would you ask if they need help—or would it be better to just jump in and save them from the deepening waters? The offer, while well meaning and often given, “Let me know if I can help” is really no help at all."

Jump in and save us is exactly what countless family, friends, and neighbors have done for us the last 9 months. They have shown by example that there is so much more to compassion than feeling sorry for people. That true compassion is shown with Christlike love and service.  I would consider myself a compassionate and service oriented person, but I now realize that while I am full of good intentions, I do not execute them often enough. I would probably watch a family member or friend who lived far away going through a difficult situation and think, "I really wish I lived closer so I could help" instead of finding something I could do, like getting them an Amazon Prime membership so they could get free 2 day shipping on diapers and anything else they need rather than having to run to the store, like my sister-in-law did for me. I probably would say, "I would love to help more but I have my own family with 4 young children I have to take care of" instead of offering to do their weekly grocery shopping in addition to my own like my other sister-in-law did. I probably would think I had helped enough after arranging a month of meals being taken into the family instead of throwing a freezer meal shower for them and filling their freezer with even more meals like my ward did for me. I probably would think "Maybe I can help watch her kids when she goes back to work" instead of showing up with an envelope containing enough money to pay their monthly bills so she wouldn't have to worry about going back to work for another month like a wonderful friend of mine did. I probably would give some type of contribution to their Christmas but doubt I would plan and execute a fun 12 days of Christmas for them, or pack a fun filled and generous package and ship it across the country to them, or go and pick out new clothes for all the the kids the way others did for us. I probably would pray that their mom would be able to meet all of her children's needs rather than being an answer to her prayers and providing her with the things she needs to better care for them all like so many people have done including the person who bought this new chair for Ellie's room that has seriously changed our life. It seems like such a little thing, but it means several times a day I can keep Miles and Brynn close to me instead of sending them away when I'm taking care of Ellie.

The kiddos loving our new double rocker!

Storytime

Just because she's the cutest thing ever!!

A professional masseuse being sent to my house to give me a massage, bags of groceries being dropped off, getting phone calls daily from friends and family at the store asking if I need them to pick anything up, playdates scheduled for big kids, neighbors mowing our lawn for several months, someone weeding all of our flowerbeds that hadn't been weeded all summer, sisters from our ward coming and cleaning our entire house, packages arriving throughout the summer full of fun things for my big kids so they wouldn't feel forgotten, friends and neighbors driving Brynn and Mason to and from school every day so I don't have to take Ellie out,  a friend of a friend giving us thousands of dollars in trach supplies and equipment they bought when their little girl had a trach, my aunt and grandma finding and getting Ellie custom made sleepers for g-tubes, my mom coming over every morning and afternoon to help establish a good routine and consistency for the big kids when school started and we were still getting used to all of Ellie's care, a neighbor letting us keep her generator at our house in case the power went out until we were able to get our own, friends stopping by and staying in touch even when I'm horrible at returning phones calls and emails, the list could go on and on.  I know there are many people who stepped in and did things for us when things were spinning so far out of control that I wasn't even aware how things were getting done. We have had to turn away just as many people who were wanting and willing to help, but we already had more help then we knew what to do with.

At times I have been embarrassed...even humiliated...by the amount of generosity and help we have been the recipients of. We're not "those people". I never in a million years would have imagined us being in a position that required so much help. To have my independence and self sufficiency taken away was devastating for me. But I have been humbled as time after time when I felt like the obstacle that stood before me was insurmountable, I was lifted up by all of these amazing people and somehow I got through it. It wasn't always the physical things people did. A lot of time it was simply an outpouring of love and support that gave me the strength to carry on when I didn't think I could.

I am happy to report that things have settled down and we are doing well. We are firm believers in self sufficiency and while we are so grateful for the help we have received during this unexpected crisis, we feel that it is now our responsibility to figure out how to create a new normal and learn how to take care of our family even with our added needs. The last few months we have been working hard to do more on our own and learn how to stand on our own two feet again. Boy does it feel good!! It's amazing the hope and joy that feeling in control of your own life and your own future can bring. We are looking forward to the next few months as Scott prepares to graduate with his hard earned MBA and we are deciding where the next chapter of our family's life will take place. I am personally very excited to finally be in a position where I am able to look around myself and start finding ways to payback all the love and service that has been shown to me. I have promised myself and my Heavenly Father that I will no longer be satisfied just to have good intentions, but that I will go out and do.

Thank you so much to each and every one of you!! We couldn't have done this without you. We love you all very much.