Kansas City

Scott had been putting in A LOT of hours at work, so when his boss told him to take Friday off we decided it merited an impromptu trip down to Kansas City. We spent the day at Worlds of Fun and Oceans of Fun. It was a hot hot day with temperatures in the high 90s which kept people away from the amusement park. With no lines to speak of and three adventurous, thrill seeking kiddos who love roller coasters as much as Scott and I do, we filled the day going on as many rides as possible. Miles was sad he still wasn't tall enough to ride a lot of the big rides, but nothing that an ice cream cone while we waited couldn't fix. With a strategically placed top knot in her hair Brynn was able to go on some of the big rides. She would get really nervous before it started, but always ended up loving it. Her review of the Mamba (pictured below) was, "It was kind of my favorite and kind of the worst." There isn't a roller coaster fast or crazy enough for Mason. When we had gone on all the rides and had endured the heat as long as we could we headed over to Oceans of Fun and cooled off at the waterpark for the rest of the afternoon.

That night we stayed at a hotel which as always was a highlight for the kiddos. Our hotel stay got even more exciting when a huge storm hit in the middle of the night and knocked out the power all over the city including our hotel. We woke up to the hallways and stairwells lit up with glow sticks. Luckily the pool was surrounded by windows and the kids were happy to swim all morning until the power came back on. That afternoon we did some shopping including stopping at the American Girl store where we took my old Molly doll to get a "spa treatment" and hair make over to clean her up a bit. It is such a fun environment and Brynn loved every second of it. Mason was green with envy as he walked around the store checking out all the fun sets (this boy will always be drawn to tiny little trinkets). He decided that they should make American Boy Dolls, too. They could have boy scout and sports sets. Upon hearing that Scott decided it was time to take the boys to the Lego Store while Brynn and I finished up with Molly. That night was the Trisomy 4p Family Gathering at a park. After that was done we loaded up and headed home. It was a quick trip, but was just the getaway our family needed and turned out to be a highlight of our summer.

Trisomy 4p First Annual Family Gathering

June 26, 2015

One of the hardest aspects of having a child with a rare disorder is that there are so few people who truly understand the daily challenges you face. That is why the friendships formed through our trisomy 4p group run so deep even though the majority of the group has never met another family face to face. We were fortunate to have lived close enough to another 4p family that we were able to meet the Rodgers family with Ellie, which was such an amazing experience for our family and one I wish every 4p+ family could experience. So when there was talk within the group of organizing the first Trisomy 4p family gathering in Kansas City, Missouri I really wanted to help make it happen. I had big ideas of how we could help organize and plan the gathering with Friends of 4p+ hosting a dinner the first night. In all honesty, though, as we started the planning process I was hit pretty hard with a wave of grief and ended up in a really difficult place emotionally. I was haunted by feelings of inadequacy and guilt that I had failed miserably in caring for Ellie when all of these other parents were able to keep their children alive. I began to doubt whether it was a good idea to attend the gathering and withdrew from the planning process. The week of the gathering I decided I did in fact want our family to participate in the gathering (in large part because Mason and Brynn had heard me talk about it and were begging to go see their friends Stetson and Brooklyn and they really wanted to meet Natalie). We ended up making a quick trip down to Kansas City and got to meet and spend an evening with some of our 4p+ friends. Six families from all over the US and Canada were able to attend. This may not seem like a lot, but this was the biggest group of 4p+ families to ever assemble so it was a pretty big deal. Gabby and her family came from Iowa, Natalie and her family came from Kansas, Stetson and Brooklyn and their family came from Idaho, Nora and her mom came from Michigan, and Keifer and his mom came from British Columbia. We picked up some pizza for everyone and met at a park where we were able to mingle and play for several hours the first evening. Not quite the caliber of meet and greet dinner I wanted to plan, but it turned out well for being last minute. As always it was bitter sweet meeting all of these special kiddos and imagining what similarities Ellie might have eventually shared with some of them. I loved watching Gabby smile and laugh as she shook a container of coins, listening to Keifer talk all about Minecraft while playing on the playground with the other kids, watching a busy little Natalie get into mischief in the blink of an eye with her quick hands, watching Scott play with Nora and making her laugh and laugh, getting a giant hug from Stetson, and singing happy birthday to Brooklyn. It turned out to be a wonderful evening and I was so glad I finally got to meet some of my wonderful friends face to face. The rest of the group stayed all weekend and enjoyed going out and doing some fun things together, but we were only able to stay for that first evening.

Stetson, Natalie, Nora, Keifer, Brooklyn, Gabby

Sarah R (Stetson and Brooklyn), Karen (Natalie), Sarah D (Gabby), Rachel, Melissa (Kiefer), Amy (Nora)

Glasses

Brynn wasn't the only one in our family who picked up a new accessory. Miles is now a proud member of the glasses club. In April, I started noticing that Miles' right eye was occasionally wandering and crossing. It started to happen more frequently and in predictable situations like when he would look at something he was holding out in his hand. A visit to the opthomologist at Children's determined that he is significantly farsighted, with one eye slightly worse than the other, resulting in his eyes wandering and crossing in an attempt to focus on things close to him. The doctor felt like we had caught it soon enough that glasses should correct the problem and patching wouldn't be necessary.
We opted for the indestructible, toddler-proof, Miraflex glasses frames in hopes that they would be able to handle Captain Tornado here and all he would put them through. They have been fantastic. Very functional and cute as can be if you ask me.
The first few days with glasses were kind of rough with Miles subconciously pulling off his glasses every few minutes. With constant reminders and a lot of bribery we made it through the first few days and it has been a piece of cake since. Putting his glasses on seemed to magically correct the wandering eye, but as soon as his glasses would come off his eye would immediately start wandering worse than ever as he tried to get things in focus again. When we went for his 2 month follow-up the doctor said that is proof that the glasses are helping. Further proof came when he got in the car right after picking up his glasses and he looked at the window next to him covered in dirty little hand prints, as usual, and said, "My window is really dirty, mom" I don't think he ever had been able to focus enough on the close window to realize those were smudges and not just blur. By his 6 month follow-up the doctor says his eyes are already getting stronger and he will start decreasing his prescription strength at his next visit and predicts he will continue to decrease the prescription over the next 2-3 years until Miles stops needing glasses all together.
Miles' glasses have become a part of his look. He totally has the Clark Kent thing going on and when he takes his glasses off he looks like a completely different child. We sure love our Bubba with his new and improved super strong eyes.

Brynn turns Six!

Our lovable Brynnie Bug turned six and deserved nothing less than a perfect day to celebrate what a wonderful little girl she is. A perfect day in Brynn's eyes is doing fun things with people she loves. Lucky for Brynn, her birthday fell at the end of the week Grandma Nancy came and watched the kiddos while I played nurse at our Stake's Girls Camp so Grandma was included in all of her birthday fun which was a giant cherry on top of an already wonderful day. Per Brynn's request we started out her birthday festivities the night before her birthday by going out to dinner at her all-time favorite restaurant, Red Robin. She loved the food, she loved the company, but she didn't love when the servers came out and sang happy birthday to her. I didn't know it was possible to sink as low in a chair as she did throughout the song.
On her actual birthday we surprised Brynn with a couple fun experiences/gifts that she has been wanting. First thing, we took Brynn to get her ears pierced. For the last few months Brynn has been longing to wear earrings and every Sunday while we got ready for church would ask how old she has to be to get her ears pierced. Scott and I have never set an exact age for when she could get her ears pierced, but after talking about it we decided what better time than her 6th birthday. We took her to Claire's and the worker really went above and beyond to give our birthday girl the VIP treatment making the whole experience magical. Brynn was super brave and hardly flinched as each ear was pierced. As part of a promotion going on Brynn was able to choose a Beanie Boo stuffed animal, which happens to be her favorite kind of stuffed animal. The promotion was for the smallest size, but the worker told her to go ahead and pick a bigger size since it was her birthday. Just when Brynn thought life couldn't get any better the worker asked if she would like her Beanie Boo to get her ears pierced, too. She got out the piercing gun and some earrings and pierced the Beanie Boo's ears just like she'd done Brynns. Brynn was on cloud nine all day with her newly pierced ears and her matching Beanie Boo. 

Next stop was to the store to pick out the "American Girl Doll" she had been asking for. (P.S. Brynn knows that this isn't an actual American Girl Doll and currently has no desire to have an actual American Girl Brand doll, but that is what she calls all dolls like this). We waited to let Brynn come to the store and pick it out herself because as I've mentioned before, the experience of being there and getting to choose what she wants is half of the thrill for her. She picked out this doll because it has hair the color of Ellie's hair and pierced ears like hers. Of course she named her doll Ellie.

After all the birthday shopping was done we headed to Brynn's favorite place, Create, to make some masterpieces. Brynn loves loves loves to paint!

The last stop before Grandma had to leave was to get one last birthday/summer surprise of roller blades for all the kiddos. Brynn didn't waste any time getting to work mastering her skates and got a lot of use out of them all summer.

The next day was Brynn's birthday party with her friends. She was going back and forth between wanting to do a tea party or a stuffed animal party until we decided to combine the two and have a teddy bear picnic with her friends.

Brynn's only request for her birthday cake was that the inside looked like this when it was cut. Pretty easy to please this little girl.

Brynn's best little friends came and enjoyed a fun little picnic.

Emily, Arabella, Ashlyn, Mason, Brynn, Karlee, Noelle, and Piper

followed by a few activities with their stuffed animals.

It turned out to be a fund birthday for our stuffed animal loving 6-year-old, Brynn.

End of School

May 28, 2015
Here we are at the end of another school year and naturally I find myself reflecting on how much life has changed in just 9 short months.

This was a random picture taken by a friend of mine on the first day of school. It wasn't until weeks later she looked at the picture and realized she had unintentionally captured the sweet moment I hugged Brynn goodbye and sent it to me.

When I think back to the first day of school I remember feeling so full of optimism and excitement for this new phase of our life. I felt so blessed as everything seemed to be falling into place perfectly and had no doubt that this was exactly where we were supposed to be***. I was grateful for the opportunity Mason and Brynn had to be attending such a wonderful school and couldn't wait to see all that they would accomplish with such amazing resources at their fingertips. I was eager to be home with my two little ones and hoped to duplicate the experience I'd had when it was just Mason and Brynn at home, which was my absolute favorite stage of motherhood. Scott had finished his 9 week training course and was happy to be starting his real job. Our future with Ellie felt brighter than ever as we were finally going to have a nighttime nurse who would come from 10pm-6am four nights a week  as well as 8-12 additional hours of available respite care (a nurse coming to stay with Ellie) each week so I could volunteer in the kids' classes, do grocery shopping, or anything else I needed to do and wasn't able to with Ellie. Words cannot describe the relief and hope these nursing hours and their accompanying sleep brought into my life. Simply put, life felt too good to be true - and I guess it was.

We lived the dream for one amazing week before the respiratory virus that was spreading rampantly through Omaha and the kids' school found our family. A week later Ellie was hospitalized. A week after that she was gone.

Despite the upheaval in our home life, Brynn and Mason's school experience remained positive and I was so grateful for all of the wonderful staff at Rohwer that really helped my kids through this difficult time. The school counselor went into Brynn and Mason's classes while we were gone for Ellie's funeral and explained to them what had happened and talked to them about how Brynn and Mason might be feeling when they came back to school. She then discussed appropriate and inappropriate things to say and do with the children. Their classmates all made cards for them which both of my kids still keep in their rooms and look at from time to time. The school counselor met with Brynn and Mason on a regular basis for the first few months and then periodically through the rest of the school year to make sure they were coping okay.

Throughout the year I had the opportunity to volunteer in the kids' classrooms once a week. I loved going to their classes and getting to know their teachers and the other children in their classes, but it was always difficult for me to go into the school and walk past the rows of wheelchairs, walkers, adaptive bikes, and other assistive devices lining the halls or pass a darling little girl making excited noises around her trach as she was wheeled down to play in the sensory room. It would always remind me just how perfect of a school this would have been for Ellie. Even though being faced by these reminders can still be hard, it is also wonderful. I am so grateful my kids have the opportunity to interact daily with so many amazing children who can remind them of their little sister and all she taught us of accepting others' differences. Nothing made me happier than the days Mason would come home from school and tell me about playing catch with someone from the ACP class at recess or Brynn would come home telling me about how she ate lunch next to a little girl with a trach like Ellie's and even though she couldn't talk Brynn said Hi to her and sat by her. I'm very glad they have opportunities for these kinds of  interactions.

Scott had the opportunity to volunteer through the WATCH DOG program. Rohwer has a very strong program where each day a Dad volunteer is the Watch Dog Dad and fulfills responsibilities such as manning one of the cross walks before school, playing games in his kid's classrooms, being on patrol and playing with the kids out at recess and getting to eat lunch with his kids. Brynn and Mason anxiously awaited the day Scott was signed up to be the WATCH DOG which wasn't until March and proved to be a veeeerrry long wait through the school year. When the day finally arrived it didn't disappoint. They still talk about when Scott was the WATCH DOG Dad as one of the highlights of their year, and I think Scott had a pretty good time, too.

It was inside out and backward clothes day.

Mason's second grade year:
(Insert Mason's 2nd Grade School Picture)
* Mason was in Mrs. Krobot's class which was one of four 2nd grade classrooms at Rohwer.
* His love for reading continues to grow with each new book he reads. He participated in an accelerated reading group at school which he took pride in and enjoyed. During second grade he read almost all of the Roald Dahl collection, Fablehaven series, Diary of a Wimpy Kid series, First 5 books of Harry Potter series, I Survived series, began the Percy Jackson series, along with countless other books that I cannot keep track of.
* He says that Math is his favorite subject. After missing a week and a half of school for Ellie's funeral he had missed an entire unit in Math and we returned the day they took the test. His teacher told him to go ahead and take the test anyway so she could see what she needed to review with him. She was amazed when he was one of three kids in the class to get 100% on it and gave him special recognition for it.
* He takes after his dad with his love for Math fact time tests. He would come home and do Fast Math on the computer every night to practice and get faster. The day he passed off his addition time test he came home and described the experience by saying that when Mrs. Krobot announced there was one minute left he only had a few lines left and realized it was possible for him to complete it and pass off addition his heart was racing and his hands were shaking until he finished. He said when he walked to turn it in his legs were all wobbly.
* At the end of the year Mason was tested and qualified for the District's High Ability Learners Program (HAL) in Math for next year. He is one of only a handful of kids from his grade who will be in the program. He is very proud and excited for it.
* Each month when the Scholastic book orders were sent home Mason would come running off the bus waving it above his head. He had a running list of which books he was going to save up for in the book orders and book fair.
*A girl in the ACP program named Rileigh would join Mason's class for a few different subjects during the day. Mason adored this little girl who was wheelchair bound and non-verbal but who loved music and loved to dance according to Mason. Midway through the year she received a service dog to help detect seizures. The school had an assembly and several activities to learn about and introduce the students to Charlie the service dog and his new role in their school. It was amazing to watch the whole school come together to support Rileigh and Charlie. Charlie even got his picture in the yearbook as a member of Mason's class. Having Charlie join their class was definitely a highlight of Mason's year.

Brynn's Kindergarten year:
(Insert Brynn's Kindergarten School Picture)
*Brynn was in Mrs. Ferry's kindergarten class which was one of five kindergarten classes at Rohwer.
*Brynn started off the year being very shy in school. A couple of months into school I got an email from her teacher (who had been keeping a close eye on Brynn since Ellie's death) saying that she had noticed a complete change in Brynn. She said that almost overnight Brynn had turned into a social butterfly and had completely come out of her shell. She said it was as if Brynn was a completely different child - although still a very good student who did everything she was supposed to do. Her teacher really enjoyed seeing Brynn's personality shine through.
*Brynn never had a shortage of friends at school. One of her greatest gifts is her ability to get along with just about anyone and that proved to be the case at school. Her favorite friends to play with at recess were Collette, Arabella, and Noelle.
*When asked what her favorite part of school is she will always answer Centers. This is a time in the afternoon where the kids got to go around to different stations and play. Her favorite center was ______.
*Brynn loves to write, write, write. She is still working on her spelling, but that doesn't stop her from sounding out words the best she can and writing anything and everything she can think of. Her big end of Kindergarten project was to write and "publish" a book. They had to choose a big event in their life such as going on vacation or moving to write about. She insisted she wanted to write about Ellie dying. I was eventually able to talk her into writing her book about Ellie's life instead of just about her dying to make it a little less morbid. We brainstormed together in preparation recalling specific memories and details she could write about. Her book turned out fantastic and I've never seen her  more proud of a piece of work she's done.
* Brynn started out the year as one of the top readers in her class reading at a level C at her initial assessment. The first few months of school I was simply going through the motions and we weren't doing much reading at home. Halfway through the year she had only progressed to an E level which was less progress than her teacher expected her to have made and was a good reminder to me how important our work together at home is and how I was failing her by letting that take a back seat to my grief. We started back in our usual ways of reading together and by the end of year she was reading at a level H which is where they expect kids to be at the end of First Grade. I am so proud of the good little reader Brynn is.
* The school has 8 keys of excellence that they focus on throughout the year. Each month they have a school assembly where the principle recognizes students who are demonstrating that month's key. Brynn recieved 6 of the 8 keys of excellence awards throughout the year which we were very proud of her for doing. She received the Keys for demonstrating the keys of excellence in: integrity, speak with good purpose (twice), this is it!, ownership, and a final award for demonstrating all 8 keys. She really is an all-star student.

Getting off the bus on the last day of school.

Another great school year is done and while it didn't turn out quite the way I imagined, it still managed to be a decent year for the kids.

*** I wanted to write down the events that led to us being at Rohwer Elementary. When we were looking for a house in Omaha our greatest concern was what school our kids would be attending. We were originally leaning toward schools in the Elkhorn School District since we were impressed with the programs they offered but mostly because we preferred their schedule with shorter school days and felt it would be a better fit for our older kids. After visiting a couple of schools on our visit out to Omaha and getting a first-hand look at their Special Education and Early intervention programs which Ellie would be participating in we quickly realized that Millard School District's well established ACP (Alternative Curriculum Program) was going to be a much better fit for Ellie than Elkhorn's full inclusion special education program. We toured Rohwer Elementary - one of the district's 5 elementary schools that house the Alternative Curriculum Program and were completely blown away by the resources they have for children with special needs such as Ellie's and knew without a doubt this is where she needed to be. We knew that Ellie would get moved to an ACP school no matter where we lived, but we felt very strongly that we wanted her at the same school as our other kids so we decided to narrow our search to only houses in the boundaries of an ACP school. When our house popped up for sale we immediately fell in love. It met all of our needs and many of our wants and was priced at the very bottom of our budget. The one problem was it was in the boundaries for Reagan Elementary which did not house ACP. We were disappointed, but couldn't shake the feeling that this was without a doubt our house. Even though it went against our top priority we decided to take a leap of faith and go for it. It wasn't until months later after we closed on the house and I called to register my kids for school that I was informed that the school boundaries were changing that summer and our house would now be in the boundaries for Rohwer Elementary - our top choice school. I think I may have cried as I was reassured that this house was exactly where we were supposed to be.

Ellie Day

One of Brynn's first questions as she was processing the news that Ellie had died was, "So May 16th isn't Ellie's birthday anymore?" I explained that although Ellie won't be here turning a year older anymore, May 16th will always be a day we remember and celebrate her life. Mason quickly piped in, "We'll call it Ellie Day!" From that moment on, May 16th has been declared Ellie Day at our house. Over the next nine months the kids loved to come up with big, elaborate party ideas for Ellie Day. Initially, I considered going along with their plans and throwing a big party in remembrance of our sweet Ellie, but as the day grew closer I found myself in a very private phase of my grieving (hence the year long blogging hiatus). My feelings and memories of Ellie are so precious and tender to me that I feel very protective of them and I don't want to force them on others for fear that people will grow tired of hearing about her and I can't bare the thought of negative feelings being directed toward the memory of her. I wasn't in a place emotionally where I wanted to play host to a bunch of people who were only there because they felt obligated and I didn't care to get hundreds of solicited likes or comments on a social media post. All I wanted was to be surrounded by and hear from the people who genuinely loved Ellie most. The people who would wake up on May 16th and feel her absence just as much as I would. So that is exactly what we did. We took a very quick trip back to Utah (made the 14 hour drive, were there for Ellie's birthday then turned around and drove 14 hours back home) and had what can only be described as an absolutely perfect day celebrating and remembering our sweet Ellie. The way that everything fell into place was undoubtedly a tender mercy from our loving Heavenly Father and I felt very aware of His love for us all day. Now, 9 months later, I am finally ready to share about our amazing Ellie Day!

I am so grateful for the happy and sweet memories we have of celebrating Ellie's first birthday with her. I remember the weeks leading up to Ellie's birthday I felt a heaviness in my heart as I started planning for her party and was constantly faced with the reality of her delays and just how far off from a typical 1-year-old she was. With our older kids I had planned a first birthday party revolved around a theme that was special to them. Scott and I joked about possible themes for Ellie's party since her favorite things consisted of stuff like crinkling wrappers and chasing the sat monitor probe light on her foot - both of which have pretty limited searches on pinterest for party ideas. With the other kids I had to worry about getting them to sit by their cake for a picture without crawling over and destroying it first. With Ellie I worried if we would be able to get a picture of her sitting on her own by her cake because she was still so tipsy with her sitting - let alone the fact that there was actually no point in having a smash cake since she couldn't eat anything orally.

I still remember the day I took Ellie for a swallow eval and they brought out the bubbles to get her to cooperate and a light bulb went off in my head - a bubble party! It was the only typical 1-year-old thing Ellie liked and what a perfect first birthday party theme! I called Scott on my way home and excitedly told him I had finally figured out what Ellie's party theme would be. He laughed at me for being so excited about something so trivial, but was glad I had found a party idea I was happy about. Little did either of us know that not only would this be the theme for her first and only birthday party, but it would essentially become Ellie's brand.  

In the end, the party came together wonderfully and it turned out to hold some of our fondest memories of Ellie's life. 

I have decided that I want to incorporate some of the details from Ellie's one and only birthday into our yearly Ellie Day celebrations. I think it can go without saying that there will always be a variety of bubbles incorporated in whatever we do. I have also decided that each year I intend to make a different version of Ellie's giant cupcake. It will always be Ellie's special cake. I was surprised and so happy when I found the birthday banner I had made for her bubble bash that had unintentionally been kept and tucked away in a random box. (I have since had it laminated to preserve it for use year after year.)
 The night before Ellie Day I decorated the house with her birthday banners, cake, and balloons. Going through the typical birthday routine of decorating a cake and putting up decorations proved to be very therapeutic. It just felt right to be doing exactly what I should be doing the night before my daughter's birthday.

Ellie's 2nd Birthday Cake

We knew we wanted to be in Utah with family to celebrate Ellie's birthday, but the timing was difficult with it falling right during all the kids' end of school activities that they didn't want to miss. It was starting to look like a trip just wouldn't be plausible. Until one day an advertisement for the Running with Angels 5k came across my Facebook feed and grabbed my attention. 

This is a 5k run that is inspired by Pam Hansen and her book Running with Angels. It is targeted toward families who have lost a child and proceeds from the race go to Intermountain Healthcare's Angel Watch program - a program that assists families who have a baby with a life-threatening condition. You can imagine my excitement when I saw that this took place in one of my favorite places - Thanksgiving Point Gardens - on May 16th!!!

It was just too perfect and there was no way we could NOT be there, even if it meant an extremely quick and impractical trip. Upon hearing about the race my family all expressed interest in joining us on team Bubbles for Ellie. My mom even ordered matching Bubbles for Ellie shirts for everyone on our team. And just like that my wish of being surrounded by those who loved Ellie the most was granted.

Brandon and Whitney couldn't make it up from Arizona, but they wore their Ellie shirts and did their own family fun run at the park that morning.

The race was the perfect environment to start off Ellie's birthday. These are the kinds of days when it can be so hard to watch the world going on around me as if nothing has happened and just feel so alone in my grief and loss. Being surrounded by other people who were outwardly remembering a little loved one they lost by sharing their stories and wearing shirts in their honor made me feel much less alone and able to talk freely about Ellie without it being uncomfortable.

Before the race started they had a dove release in honor of all the angels we were running for. 

 This was about the time Mason decided that he was going to try and win the race, so when the gun blew he took off ahead of us all at a speedy pace. After awhile I was surprised he hadn't slowed down enough for us to catch up so I sent Scott ahead to find him. Scott caught up with him just in time to finish together in 32 minutes. Not bad for an 8-year-old's first 5k with no training (the next day he was walking like he'd run a marathon). He didn't quite win (11th in the boys under 12 division), but it did start a fire in him that he wants to be a runner and compete in more races. The rest of us enjoyed a much more leisurely pace as we walked/ran through the beautiful gardens, talking and laughing along the way.

Coming down the home stretch.

While we ran we reminisced about the time we took Ellie to the tulip festival on her first family outing after the sick season ended. I had envisioned spending a beautiful evening as a family, enjoying the fresh spring air as we strolled through the gardens. I hoped to get some great 1-year pictures of Ellie with the tulips. Ellie did not share my vision. She absolutely hated it and cried the entire time. I was so disappointed. As it turns out we got one of my all-time favorite pictures of Ellie with her classic, scrunched up, crying face and a whole bunch of priceless, real-life memories with her.

Notice the crinkly wrapper we tried to bribe her with.

My dad knew a lot of the race organizers and when we picked up our packets before the race and they learned it was Ellie's birthday they were all very sweet and gave our group a lot of positive attention during the race including announcing it was Ellie's birthday over the loudspeaker after we finished the race. Like I said before, I couldn't have asked for a more perfect atmosphere to be remembering Ellie on her birthday. I really hope we can make participating in the Running with Angels 5k a yearly tradition to celebrate Ellie's birthday.

After the race we headed over to the cemetery for a little birthday party.

We were grateful the rain held off while we blew some bubbles, sang happy birthday, and sent some balloons to heaven for Ellie. When the rain started up we returned to my mom's house for a lunch together. 

I have to mention that we managed to confuse Miles thoroughly with all the talk of Ellie's birthday. He was so excited to go to Utah for Ellie's birthday but it wasn't until we got there that he verbalized his thoughts by saying, "I am sooo excited to see Ellie!" The whole time he had been under the impression that Ellie was going to be at her birthday party, because when have we ever been to a birthday party when the guest of honor wasn't actually there? We felt so bad we hadn't explained better and had gotten his hopes up. As we tried to explain that Ellie wouldn't be there he told us repeatedly, "I think Jesus is going to drive Ellie to Utah in the Mazda." It is still so hard for Miles to understand Ellie being gone. He thinks that she is just somewhere else with Jesus and is still waiting for the day Elllie will come back home. 

 

After lunch my dear friend Stacie stopped by to deliver the sweetest birthday present ever. Her and her amazing friend (and I like to think my friend, too) Sarah spent countless hours turning some of Ellie's old clothes into this beautiful quilt. There are no words to describe what a precious gift this is to me. Pictures just don't do justice to all the incredible details.

Another of Stacie's friends made this darling stuffed bear from one of Ellie's sleepers.

Thank you so much to Stacie and her friends for sharing their incredible talents with our family. 

Another fortunately timed event that made our trip out to Utah worth it was the open house for the new Payson, Utah Temple. In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints the temple is a sacred and holy place where families can be sealed together for all eternity. When a temple is completed they hold an open house for anyone who is interested to tour the temple to see the beauty as well as learn more about the house of the Lord. After the open house the temple is dedicated and from then on only members who worthily hold a Temple Recommend can go inside where they participate in sacred ordinances. So the open house is a very unique and special time for our children to be able to go inside the temple and learn more about the ordinances they can one day choose to participate in there.

I couldn't have dreamed of a better way to close out Ellie's birthday than to be in a temple of the Lord with my family. It helped remind us that although we miss Ellie terribly, thanks to the blessings of the temple our family will be together forever and we will be with her again someday. There is nothing that can bring peace to a grieving mother's heart more than that beautiful promise.

The next morning as we drove through Provo Canyon on our way home there was the most beautiful rainbow. I couldn't help but feel like Ellie was smiling down on us and letting us know she had enjoyed her birthday celebration as much as we had.