For parents who have lost a child, holidays are often painful. But Easter - Easter is now more than just a holiday. Easter is peace. Easter is hope. Easter is a reminder of the love our Savior has for us. That he experienced all the pain and sorrow we feel and that through his grace we can feel peace. Easter is the celebration of Jesus Christ conquering death and the promise of seeing our loved ones again. Easter is a reminder that our family will be together forever. Simply put, Easter is EVERYTHING.
This year we started what I hope will become a new tradition. On Easter Sunday we had our Easter dinner up at Ellie's grave with all the Hale cousins and Pooky and Papa. When we picked out Ellie's spot, one of the things I loved most was that there are tables and benches nearby in the grove of trees. I imagined going there as a family and the kids running around playing in the trees and it being a happy place where we could all be together. Our Easter Dinner was a perfect version of that dream. After dinner my Dad gathered the grand kids around and gave a quick lesson on the Resurrection and what it means for us. Of course it wouldn't be a gathering at Ellie's without some bubbles. All in all it was a pretty perfect day.
One day, in the week leading up to Easter, the kids and I were talking about Resurrection and how in the Second coming Ellie will be Resurrected and her body will be made whole. She will no longer need her trach or feeding tube and she will no longer have the physical disabilities or mental delays she had during her mortal life. Mason thoughtfully said, "That kind of makes me sad. I love Ellie just the way she was and want her to be the same when we see her again." I couldn't agree more. I know it is a very mortal thought, but I often feel incredibly sad that I will never again be able to take care of Ellie the way I took care of her in this life. I will never get to stand over her sweet face doing her trach care or walk into her noisy room to find her proudly smiling up from her crib in the mess she made by disconnecting all her monitors and tubes. Of course I want her to be free from the pain and challenges she suffered in this life, but I loved Ellie just the way she was and wouldn't change a single thing about her. I explained to Mason that while I feel the same way, I also know that we knew and had a relationship with Ellie in our pre-mortal existence that we can't remember right now. When we are reunited with Ellie we will remember everything and I know we will be so happy to see Ellie in her true form again and we will have even more love for her than we do now because we will know her so much better. I am so grateful for the love each of my kiddos continue to have for Ellie and that she is never far from our thoughts.
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| Easter 2014 |
