A Bubble Tree for Ellie

The Festival of Trees has always been one of my favorite Utah Christmas traditions, especially after having Ellie and Primary Children's became such a part of our life. It is one of the things I have missed most during our Christmases in Omaha. One of the first things I did after moving back to Utah was sign up to donate a tree to the festival this year. I knew I wanted to do a bubble tree for Ellie, but didn't have a very clear vision for it. For a couple of months my mom, Kacie, Whitney, and I all kept our eyes open for ideas and gathered supplies and then right before Thanksgiving we got together and decorated the tree. I could not be happier with how it turned out! All of the little details came together perfectly. I love the way we clustered the clear ornaments to make them look like bubbles, I love the sweet pink bubble wands we used as ornaments, I love the precious felt bow garland wrapped around the tree, and I love the sweet pink tree skirt my mom made.

My mom and I saw this American Girl Doll bubble bath and fell in love with it. We decided it would be the perfect added touch under the tree.

We went on opening night to check out all the trees. I was much more aware this year of the stories behind the trees and it made me like them even more.

After the festival was done I decided I needed to have my own little Ellie bubble tree and so my mom and I created a mini version for our front room. Top it off with Ellie's picture with Santa and we have a perfect little corner to remember Ellie this Christmas.

Thanksgiving Getaway

There have been many years when we have thought what a great idea it would be to go down to Arizona for Thanksgiving, but I always had to work a shift or two over Thanksgiving weekend which always grounded us here. This year when I found out my holiday schedule for work and I had the entire Thanksgiving weekend off we decided to take off for a little Thanksgiving getaway to Arizona. Steve and Jenna are such gracious hosts and welcomed our family along with Mike and Linda and all of their kids for the weekend. We we a little bit nervous about how Ryan would handle the 10 hour drive since he still isn't super happy in his car seat. We decided to play it safe and break up the drive by stopping for the night at the Zion house. We took it even one step further by waiting to leave at Ryan's bedtime so he would sleep the whole first half of the drive. It worked like a charm and the first half of our drive was easy peasy. All of our cross country drives too and from Omaha have paid off because making 5-6 hour drives feels like nothing now. We pulled into the Zion house late and transferred all the sleeping kids to their beds. Ryan didn't transfer so well and was not very excited about being back in a pack n' play in a place he didn't know. He and I didn't get much sleep that night and that continued to be a trend throughout the rest of the trip. Traveling with a 5 month old just isn't all that easy. The next morning we hopped back in the car and finished our drive to Arizona. Ryan napped for part of drive but the remainder of the time confirmed that we made the right decision by driving while he slept the night before. We introduced him to Baby Einstein and he liked it - for a little while at least. We finally arrived and were so excited to see our cousins we hadn't seen in months. 

Thanksgiving morning Scott and Steve took all the kiddos on a hike while Jenna and I stayed home and made Thanksgiving Dinner. Jenna is a pro and has been doing this for years. I was grateful for the experience I had preparing all the food last year so I could contribute more. By the time the crew returned from their hike our Thanksgiving feast was ready to be consumed. I have grown to enjoy Thanksgiving dinner so much more when I am the one slaving over each and every dish. 

After dinner was finished and cleaned up the kids were dying to go swimming. Steve and Jenna don't heat their pool and warned it would be very cold but the kids didn't head their warning. Mason went down the slide first and screamed bloody murder as he swam to the side because it was so cold. Miles must not have paid attention to all of Mason's screams because he followed right behind him and was not very happy when he hit the freezing cold water. Everyone else decided to play it safe and just wade on the sides of pool rather than get all the way in. The next day we drove over to the hotel Linda and few kids were staying at and swam in the pool there. I wouldn't call that water warm either, but apparently it was at least warmer and the kids enjoyed swimming around for awhile. 

The night after Thanksgiving we went to see the Christmas lights at the Mesa Temple - along with every other LDS person in Arizona. It was extremely crowded, but still fun to see. 

Scott, Steve and Mike had their usual golf outing and later Scott and Steve took Tanner and Mason out for a little 9-hole golf exertion of their own. The rest of the time was spent with the kiddos playing with cousins, playing games, and visiting. The big girls all loved taking care of Ryan and Finn and Jenna and I loved having a break. Brynn did inform me, "I kind of like Finn more than Ryan because he ccan sit on his own and is easier to play with." I told Brynn we can look forward to Ryan being the same way in a few months and she was pretty excited about that. My kids still don't know what typical baby development looks like and just remember how long it took Ellie to reach the littlest milestones so they are amazed every time Ryan learns a new trick. We decided to start our drive back Saturday afternoon and then take advantage of Ryan sleeping and drive straight through the night. It worked out pretty well. It was a quick trip, but proved to be a good little getaway.

What driving at night looks like.

A Hard Week

It's been a hard week.
My heart has been aching as we continue to get settled in a new place. I'm finding it difficult to make this house feel like our home knowing it will never hold any memories of Ellie. I struggle meeting new people and introducing us as a family of six knowing that many of them will never even know that Ellie existed. I returned to my job as a critical care nurse that I love so much and am constantly reminded how I failed the most important nursing job I ever had of taking care of Ellie. I dread the thought of suffering through another holiday season without all my children. I watch Ryan grow and develop as each day he effortlessly reaches a new milestone that Ellie worked so hard to achieve and many that I so desperately wish we could have experienced with her in her own way.
I miss her. I miss when life was easy and it didn't take so much effort to get up each day and try to hold all the pieces of my broken self together. When I didn't have to put on a happy face and pretend like I was okay for everyone around me. I miss the feeling of true happiness.
This is where I'm supposed to finish with an inspiring quote or thought about Christ and how families are forever. But not today. Today I just need to be able to say out loud that it's been a hard week. #griefishard #misshereveryday

Big Brother

From the first moment Miles met Ryan and started softly singing to him, Miles has been so quiet, sweet, and gentle around Ryan. Anyone who knows him knows that these are not adjectives often used to describe Miles. That just makes it even more special to see how endearing he acts toward his baby brother.
It really is no surprise that Miles is such a wonderful big brother, though. After all, this isn't exactly a new role for him. He first became a big brother when he was just shy of 17 months old. Looking back it still shocks me to realize just how little he was when Ellie was born. He was just a baby himself. Despite how young he was and how our life turned completely upside down, he just took it all in stride and was the sweetest big brother to Ellie. I cherish the memories I have of Miles interacting with Ellie. I took comfort knowing that Miles would always be Ellie's protector. When we lost Ellie Miles was bumped back to being the baby of the family. A role that, at the time, we thought he would likely possess for the rest of his life.
I could list 1000 reasons why I believe Heavenly Father sent each of our children to our family in the order and at the time he did. One of those reasons is that I truly believe Miles was meant to be a big brother. It is a responsibility he takes seriously and he does an exceptional job fulfilling. The love he has for his little sister and brother brings out the very best in him. His experience of loving and loosing Ellie has only made him love Ryan more fiercely than ever. He never passes up an opportunity to give Ryan a hug and a kiss or to simply stop and give him his undivided attention. He still often makes tender comments like, "I hope Ryan doesn't die. I want him to stay with us forever." which is a fear I hope lessens for all of us as time goes on. One thing is for sure, Miles makes every moment with Ryan count.
I can't wait to watch Miles and Ryan's relationship continue to grow as they get older and become each other's playmate and friend.

Young Writers

Brynn and Mason come from a long line of writers. My Grandma Hale was a gifted writer and poet. She passed her love for writing down to my Dad who has written two books that were published (and several that weren't) and wrote columns for the Daily Herald for many years. I can't claim to be half as talented as that, but I have always enjoyed expressing myself through writing. I can still remember being in first grade where we had a writing bag that was passed from student to student each week. Inside the bag were materials such as cardstock, paper, markers, stencils, stickers, a stapler, etc. to write and illustrate your own story. When you brought your completed story back to school you got to share it with the class. I wrote the story _______________ and was sure it was the greatest book of all time. In 2nd and 3rd grade I was selected to be one of only a few students from the school to attend a young writers conference at BYU where we participated in workshops and activites to learn more about the writing process and also got to meet and listen to different authors and illustrators. I really enjoyed it and it stands out in my mind as a time when I was told I was a gifted writer and it helped me become more confident in myself and my abilities. For most of Elementary school I aspired to be an author when I grew up. Does being an author of 500 posts on a private blog count as reaching that goal? Probably not. In Junior High I continued to enjoy writing and was able to apply for and be accepted onto the Newspaper and Yearbook staff for my 9th grade year at Canyon View Junior High.
Seeing how these early life experiences shaped my love for writing, it brings me great joy to see my children's love to write grow.

Mason has always dreamed of writing a book that is published by Scholastic (he doesn't want it to be published by some no name publisher he's never heard of). He has started writing several stories, but unfortunately doesn't quite have the attention span to get past the first chapter. That first chapter always contains some great writing, though. He has filled up quite a few notebooks with his own version of graphic novels like Big Nate and Diary of a Wimpy Kid. He currently talks frequently about becoming an author after he retires from the NFL, just like one of his favorite authors, Tim Green.

Brynn loves to write. And write, and write, and write. Last year, in first grade, she filled an entire 2 inch binder with all the journal writing and stories she did in class. At the end of the year she took all her stories and made her own little library, complete with Library cards for each person in our family so we could check out her books whenever we wanted to.

This year we encouraged each of them to enter a story into the school's Reflections contest. The theme was "What is your story?" Mason wrote about his dream of playing for the Eagles and winning the Super Bowl. He creatively wrote it in the voice of a commentator doing a play by play of the game. Brynn wanted to write a story about a girl in second grade in the voice of her writing in her diary each day. They both won awards of excellence in Literature which means they were in the school's top 5 and advanced onto city. We are so proud of them and their hard work. I hope that this will be one of the little experiences in their life where they felt successful and it will help their confidence grow and they will continue to have a desire write.

 Super Bowl 51

By Mason Murray

Welcome to Super bowl 51! If you’re just joining us, it has been a tremendous game between the Eagles and the Patriots! The Patriots lead 55 to 51 after star tight end Rob Gronkowski scored on a 40 yard touchdown pass. The Patriots line up to kick off and it’s a booming kick downfield. Darren Sproles muffs the kick! The Eagles pick it up and are tackled at their own 1 yard line. The clock stops with 1:00 left in the game.

Eagles’ quarterback, Carson Wentz, trots onto the field. Wentz takes the snap. He is under heavy pressure, and is scrambling around in the end zone. He breaks a tackle avoiding a safety. Wentz spots star wide receiver, Mason Murray, open at the Eagles’ 35. Murray makes an amazing diving catch and it is first down and ten to go at the Eagles’ 35.

The Eagles’ offense runs to the line. Wentz spikes the ball to stop the clock with 40 seconds left in the game. With the play clock ticking down the Eagles huddle up and Wentz looks to the sideline to get the play call from the coach.  The offense sets up with 5 seconds left on the play clock. Wentz quickly takes the snap and hands it off to Darren Sproles. Sproles tries to run up the middle but only gets a 3 yard gain. The Eagles spend their last timeout with 21 seconds left on the clock.  Head coach, Doug Peterson, talks to the offense and they hurry back out onto the field. It’s third down and 7 to go.

 If the Eagles do not get this first down they will have to try to convert on 4^th down. Wentz takes the snap, and spots Mason Murray at midfield. Murray makes the catch and is tackled at midfield. There is 9 seconds left and the Eagles hurry to the line and spike the ball with 3 seconds left. They have time to run only one more play. They are down by 4 so kicking a field goal is not an option, they must go for a touchdown. Wentz takes the snap and throws it towards Mason Murray in the end zone . But the defender is all over him! The defender pins down Murray’s right arm, which is an obvious pass interference.  Murray leaps out with his left arm, and it is caught!!!! A one handed catch by Mason Murray! An exact replica of Odell Beckham Jr’s one handed catch! The Philadelphia Eagles are world champions, and have won their first super bowl! The MVP (Most Valuable Player), Mason Murray comes up with a one handed catch to win the super bowl for the Eagles! Thank you for watching Super Bowl 51! We will be back in a moment for the trophy presentation!    

My First Day of School

By: Brynn Murray

Chapter 1

Hi! My name is Ellie. I am 7 years old. This is a story that is about my first day in second grade. Tomorrow is my first day going to my new school. The school is called Foothill Elementary. My teacher’s name is Mrs. Murray. She seems like a really, really nice teacher. I have not met her yet. I just have a feeling that she will be nice to everyone in the class. I have about one or two people in the school I know. Elizabeth is in my class. Emma is in third grade. I do not get to see Emma a lot at school and you know why. I have to go to sleep now. It is getting late out here. See you tomorrow. Bye!

Chapter 2

Hi! I’m back. I just woke up at 6:00 in the morning. I woke up so early in the morning because I was so so so excited for school! I already have my clothes set up! I know I am going to have a great school year. I already have plans set up with my friends on where to meet before and after school today. I am going early to meet my friends at the park. I am kind of scared for my first day at school. I am just so so so excited for school today! See you later. Bye!

Chapter 3

Hi! I am back. I just got home from school. At school I had so much fun! I will tell you about my day right after I take off my backpack. It is so heavy.  So, at school today I got introduced. I got to say my name and tell some things about myself. It was so fun! And I met some new friends at school. Their names are Elizabeth, Madyson, Mady, Isabella, Bell, Bella, Rosy, and that is all the friends I met today. The good news is that we all sit by each other in class. That is how we met.  

At school we have two recesses. We made up a game at recess. The game is called run from the puppies. It is where there are cats and dogs. The cats run from the dogs. If you get tagged by a dog you become a dog. Once everyone is a dog the game is over. It is very fun in action. I love school so far, but I still have more to tell you so let’s get on with it. So, I have a lot of fun in my first year in a new school. The next thing I did was go to lunch. In my lunch I got a sandwich and chips and a juice box. I love juice boxes.  I just wanted to tell you about my school day. Bye!   

BeUTAHful Fall

Being back in Utah this fall and being able to watch as all the trees on my beloved mountains changed colors was wonderful. One afternoon on our way home from preschool Miles looked at the mountains and noticed they were turning yellow, orange, and even red. He got very excited and asked if we could go on a field trip to the mountains to find some red leaves. This sounded like a wonderful plan to me so we headed up Provo Canyon to South Fork for a little nature walk to collect leaves. Miles was so excited to be hiking on the mountain as he collected different colors and shapes of leaves. It was a pretty perfect day with my little boys.

I was excited to take the whole family on a drive of Alpine Loop to enjoy all the fall colors. Because of Scott's work travel we had to wait a couple of weeks before we could go. Brynn prepared activity binders for all of the kids with scavenger hunts and all sorts of nature activites for them to do along the way. We are all set and excitedly took off up the canyon only to find out we were a week too late and all the leaves had already fallen. Oops! Fall fail. But we still went for a stroll around Cascade Springs and got to see a moose from afar and a "rat-a-coon", as Brynn adorably calls them.

While we may have missed the leaves in the mountains, we moved into our new house just in time to enjoy all the falling leaves in our new yard.

So grateful for a beUTAHful fall.

Halloween

I gave up trying to do a coordinated family theme years ago, but this year after all the kids had picked their costumes I realized that with a small stretch of the imgination we could pass as having a family theme. 

Presenting ... Team Murray:

Carson Wentz, the game ball, the cheerleader, and the mascot Bumblebee.

Mason knew he wanted to be a football player for Halloween months ago. Once he decided to be his favorite player, Carson Wentz, then he started planning (obsessing over) every last detail of his costume to make sure he was an exact replica. Because if he didn't have just one black sleeve then no one would even know who he was. It all came together and Mason was thrilled with the finished product - which is truly saying something.

 Brynn saw this BYU cheerleading outfit and immediately knew that's what she wanted to be for Halloween. When we were only able to find a single pom pom in our costume box she insisted it was just fine because she would need a hand to carry her treat bucket anyway. I ended up buying her new pom poms anyway and you would have thought it was Christmas morning with all the gratitude she expressed. Brynn is so easy going about her costume each year. It is very refreshing.

Miles decided pretty much the day after being Optimus Prime for Halloween last year, that he was going to be Bumblebee this year and he has stuck with it. Originally we borrowed our cousin's old bumblebee costume for him to wear, but after he wore it for 3 days straight, I decided it would be worth getting him his own to have in our dress ups. Once again, you would have thought I gave him the moon by his reaction. He wanted to make sure I took a picture with his mask up so we would know who it was. 

 We had ourselves a very grumpy game ball who was later diagnosed with a double ear infection, so we'll cut him some slack for not smiling in any pictures. It was actually Mason's idea for Ryan to be a football so he would match his costume. I thought they turned out pretty cute together. 

I think we have officially discarded our old tradition of carving our pumpkins to match our costumes and that is just fine by me. Grandpa showed Miles a picture of a Jack-o-lantern and Miles wanted his pumpkin to look just like that. He teamed up with Grandpa, but after a single look at the guts inside the pumpkin Miles declared he was going to throw up and ran off and played while Grandpa did all the work. Brynn wanted to create her own design and created what is very possibly my favorite pumpkin face ever and I helped her carve it out. Mason searched and searched and searched to find the perfect (aka most complex) design. After settling on an intricate dragon he paced around the table while Scott carved and had more than one blow up when Scott "ruined his pumpkin" several times by not cutting perfectly. While we were dealing with that fun, Brynn and Miles helped Ryan out by coloring his pumpkin for him. Probably my favorite thing of all about our pumpkins this year is that when we went to pick out pumpkins the kids all insisted we needed to get a white pumpkin for our angel Ellie. This will definitely be a new tradition for us.

The Sunday before Halloween Grandma hosted her traditional Halloween party. This was the first time in all the years she has done it that all of her grandchildren were there. It made for a very exciting Spider Web this year. 

It must be documented how much progress Brynn has made conquering some of her fears. As we went around trick or treating with the Glahns I was reminded how last year Brynn would stay back on the sidewalk while the other kids went to the door until she could tell if there was dog in the house or not. If there was a dog she would skip getting a treat at that house, it wasn't worth it to her. This year she ran right up to every door and we only had a couple times when a yappy dog startled her but even then she handled it really well. She even went to "the Scary Werewolf house" that the Glahn's took us to and handled it so well.

Mason ditched us to go trick-or-treating with his best buddy Maddox and had a blast.

 Another great Halloween is in the books.