As I continue navigating my way through life after losing a child I am finding that grief is an unpredictable thing. Last year I didn't want to share Ellie's birthday with anyone other than her closest support group. This year I felt much more open about her upcoming birthday and wanted to do something on a bigger scale to honor her. I am learning that when I have an idea that feels right to just go with it and it always ends up helping me cope with my grief.
As Ellie's birthday was approaching I spent more time than usual thinking about her 15 months of life and the memories I am so grateful to have with her. Some of my most cherished memories with Ellie were the times I spent with her snuggled up on my lap reading books together, especially on our last day together. Ellie was a very hands on reader and preferred exploring books with her busy little hands - making touch and feel books her absolute favorite.
It was while reflecting on these memories that an idea came to me and I knew how I wanted to celebrate Ellie's birthday. I wanted to use her birthday money to purchase touch and feel books for Omaha's Children's hospital for families with medically fragile children to have an opportunity to snuggle up and make some memories of their own. My family jumped at the opportunity to join in and each of the kids picked out their favorite "That's not my ...." touch and feel book to donate in her honor. But then I decided I wanted to take it one step further. With the help of my friend who is an Usbourne book consultant, I hosted an online Usbourne Book party (since they are my absolute favorite board books). I opened the party up to any of our friends and family that wanted to participate by choosing out some books for their family so they could make some memories together and then use all the hostess rewards to purchase more books to donate to the hospital. As always, our amazing support group made it possible for us to purchase an additional $450 dollars worth of books. That made for a total of 75 board books we were able to donate to the hospital. When the books arrived we sorted them and put a label on the back of each book saying it was donated in memory of Ellie Jane Murray. Then we delivered them all to the hospital. The representative that met with us was blown away that a single family could collect so many books. He said that board books are the thing they are most in need of right now and was very appreciative of the donation. It felt good to do something in Ellie's name.
As Ellie's birthday was approaching I spent more time than usual thinking about her 15 months of life and the memories I am so grateful to have with her. Some of my most cherished memories with Ellie were the times I spent with her snuggled up on my lap reading books together, especially on our last day together. Ellie was a very hands on reader and preferred exploring books with her busy little hands - making touch and feel books her absolute favorite.
On actual Ellie Day we decorated her giant cupcake with a 3 on top, hung her birthday signs and pictures, and wore our Ellie shirts (Scott had to trade me since I was a little too large for my own). My family went to Ellie's grave and Facetimed with us as they blew bubbles for her.
For Ellie's birthday my Dad gave me the most amazing gift. He made this bench out of Ellie's mini crib. It also has a trunk built into the seat that we can store all of Ellie's things in. It turned out so beautiful and I can't wait to get it home to my Ellie Corner!
Oh how I wish I knew what 3-year-old Ellie would be like. Would she be learning to walk and talk yet? Would she be ready to get her trach out? What things would she like and dislike? Sadly I will never know, but I do know that we would have loved everything about her.
Happy Birthday Ellie Jane!
