All-together Playground

In 2014, right around the time Ellie passed away, Orem City approved the building of an "All-Together Playground". This is an all accessible playground designed to allow children with special needs to play alongside their peers. The city approved $150,000 to put toward the $1 million project. It was then up to the community to come up with the remaining $850,000 to make this park a reality. I have watched from a distance in Omaha over the last two years as our home community has come together to make this park a reality. There have been fundraising events including an all-together triathlon with the Iron Cowboy, Jimmer Fredette put on an all-together shootout, and a belly-flop contest just to name a few. There were also countless private donations like famous stand up comedian Brian Regan who donated all the proceeds from one of his shows in Salt Lake which donated the $10,000 wheelchair swing for the playground. People in the community could donate money to have their name put on a fence picket that surrounds the park or put a business logo on a paver. Our family decided to use Ellie's Christmas money last year to purchase three fence pickets. We chose to put Ellie Jane Murray, The Murray Family, and The Hale Family on the pickets. My parents also wanted to donate a paver and chose to put the Friends of 4p+ logo on it.
The final step was building the playground. This was to be done over a week's time with the help of 3,800 volunteers led by a team of professionals that were donating their time and services. We felt so fortunate to be back in Utah and be able to participate in this huge effort. Scott, Mason and I (you had to be 9 or older to help) spent our Labor Day doing a 4 hour shift at the playground. Our assignment was to help measure, mark, and drill holes in a whole lot of boards and carry them around the playground to where they needed to go. It was such an incredible experience to be a part of.

This weekend was the grand opening of the playground and we went to check it out. Let's just say it is going to be a very popular place!! It was amazing to see the love and acceptance that overflowed there as children and parents of all different abilities played side by side without giving a second glance at each other's differences. This playground is a light in our world that is so full of hate and intolerance.

Ellie's picket is perfectly placed right by the swings.

Ellie would have loved this swing!

My thoughts while we played on the playground naturally turned to Ellie and how much she would have loved it there. Swinging was one of her favorite things to do and always got her smiling and laughing. There is a very good chance that 3-year-old Ellie would be using a walker or wheelchair to get around and this park would have allowed her to play and explore with her brothers and sister. I'm sure it would have been a favorite place for our family to bring her.

Gifts from the Heart

“When a child gives you a gift, even if it is a rock they just picked up, exude gratitude. It may be the only thing they have to give, and they have chosen to give it to you." - Dean Jackson

I saw this quote the other day and it reminds me so much of Miles. Miles is always bringing me little gifts that may not seem like much, but they are so genuinely from his heart they might as well be solid gold to me.
A classic example was last spring when Scott took the kids to a movie night at their school. I had worked the night before and hadn't slept so I opted to stay home for an early bedtime while he took them to the movie. When they got home Miles came into my room and gave me about 1/4 inch of a piece of his licorice that he had saved to give me. He was so sincere and sweet as he gave it to me. Scott later told me that as they were walking out to the car Miles had tripped and fallen in the street. Scott picked him up quickly and crossed the street since a car was coming. Miles was extremely upset as Scott put him in the car. Through his tears was finally able to explain that he had dropped the piece of licorice he had been saving for me. He wouldn't leave until Scott had gone back and retrieved the tiny little piece from the road. 

Another experience along same lines happened a few months later when everyone went to the College World Series while I stayed home with Ryan. When they walked in the door I recieved another special treat from Miles. He had gotten a bag of cotton candy during the game and before it was gone he took a piece to save for me. He rolled this piece of cotton candy in his hands the rest of the game and the whole ride home. When he walked in the door he proudly presented me with a small, hard, rolled up ball of cotton candy. He was so excited to give it to me that I was half tempted to eat it right then and there, but the other half of me won out and I waited until he wasn't looking and pretended to eat it but really threw it away.
Since then there have been countless times when Miles has come up with some simple but sweet surprises for me. Just today Miles came running in the door from preschool announcing he had a surprise for me. He pulled out from behind his back a heart shaped leaf. He told me he found it on the ground and picked it up for me because he loves me so much.
Oh how I love this sweet boy.

My Ellie Place

Moving back to Utah brings with it a lot of positive things, but at the top of that list is finally living close to Ellie's grave and being able to visit whenever we would like. There was never a moment's doubt that we wanted Ellie buried at home in Utah. However, burying my child and then leaving her behind when we returned to Omaha was extremely hard to do. Even though I know that she is not really there and I am just as close to Ellie's spirit in Omaha as at her grave site in Utah, I needed a physical place that I could go. It didn't take me long to find the place that would become my Ellie place in Omaha.
The Winter Quarters Temple that is located in Omaha was built adjacent to The Mormon Pioneer Cemetery, where some of the hundreds of pioneers that died from illness, hunger, and exposure while at winter quarters were buried. In the cemetery there is a monument with a statue of a mother and father burying an infant in a shallow grave. I felt such a connection with this statue - but more importantly with my ancestors whose lives it depicted. My patriarchal blessing instructs me to "let your heart turn to your forefathers... your life will be enriched by the love that will be extended to you from your forebearers in this life and throughout eternity." It was part of my blessing I hadn't paid much attention to before but stood out to me as an answer to my prayers as I was searching for direction after Ellie's death. I felt so incredibly alone as I faced the grief of losing a child. It's not something that very many people can relate to in this day in age. But as I began reading stories of my ancestors and getting to know them better I felt their empathy and love from the other side of the veil in a way I never had before. So many of them had experienced so much loss and heartache during their lives. My own namesake, Rachel Hale Hoagland, at the age of 17 her Father, Mother, and two little sisters all suddenly died within a weeks time right there in Winter Quarters. They were buried in Council Bluffs, Iowa in an unmarked grave. Rachel had been left to care for her three brothers and get them across the plains to Salt Lake City. She knew what it was like to bury someone you love and leave them behind. This was just one of the many stories that My Ellie Place represented for me.
My love for this place grew deeper when in Stake Conference just a month after Ellie's death a general authority spoke about the sacredness of this cemetery. I honestly cannot remember all the details of what he said, but I remember how touched I was as I felt he was delivering a message straight to me as he spoke. I do remember he talked about how when the Winter Quarters temple was dedicated, the cemetery was dedicated as part of the temple grounds. He spoke about how the spirit of the temple existed on these grounds and served as the perfect reminder of the sacred ordinances that binds our families together for eternity. That is exactly how I feel whenever I step foot in this beautiful and sacred place.

In the weeks and months after Ellie's death I had communication with several people who had experienced loosing a young child or sibling. All of them expressed that the times when their family had felt the greatest presence and influence of their loved one was when engaged in missionary work. This really resonated with me and helped me realize that Ellie was now a missionary in the spirit world. I felt a very deep desire to help her by doing all the work I could on this side of the veil to help and support her on her mission. I was determined to dive into our family history. As I began reading and learning all that I could about my family lines I was filled with comfort. I have expressed before the anxiety I felt after Ellie died feeling like she was all alone. There was not a single person she knew who was with her. As I read about and got to know my ancestors better I knew without a doubt that Ellie was with them. One particularly sweet experience I had was while reading about my Grandpa Allred's mom, Anna Elizabeth Accord, who I received my middle name after. As I read about this amazing woman who children gravitated to and who cared for and loved them all, I felt an embrace of love surround me as if she was right there with me and I had a clear understanding that Ellie was with her and she loved her very very much. From that moment on I have not had an ounce of worry about who Ellie is with.

As hard as it was being away from Ellie's spot back in Utah, I am grateful for my Ellie place in Omaha and the relationship I have been able to develop with my pioneer ancestors who sacrificed so much so that I could be raised in the gospel and sealed to my family for all eternity.

Soccer

Soccer season has finished up for the fall and I must admit it is quickly becoming one of my favorite seasons of the year. Sure it gets super crazy with two games and a practice for each of the kids and for 5 weeks we spend almost every night at the soccer fields, but it is so fun watching my kids participate in something they enjoy so much. 

Brynn played on the White Snowflakes. Even though she wasn't able to get on the Cascade team she was still able to sign up to play with one of her best friends, Andlie Allen. The two of them made quite the little duo and were setting each other up with shots and scoring goals left and right. I think Brynn's record was 9 goals in a game. It was amazing to see the progress Brynn has made over the last year. I can really see Brynn having a future in Soccer if she continues to love it like she does now.

Miles played on the Black Thunder. As usual, with his enthusiasm for playing all sports, he kind of dominated the 4-5 year old league. He scored at least 2 or 3 goals every game. He would run his little heart out the entire game and loved every second of it.
The only thing he didn't like was the uniforms. Because he was one of the biggest kids on his team he got a bigger size and the oversized shirt just about drove him crazy all season. He insisted on keeping it tucked in at all times because he repeatedly told us it made him look like an old lady with it untucked.
Like every other 4-year-old out there playing soccer he always looked forward to the treat at the end of the game.

We all can't wait to play again in the Spring!

New School, New Year

 It's that time of year again and boy have we had an eventful back to school season! At the beginning of August, less than a week before school started in Omaha, Scott was offered a new position at Union Pacific that would relocate us back to Utah. So instead of attending back to school night and shopping for school supplies, we filled our days with goodbye play dates and I pulled all-nighters getting our house ready to sell. Mason and Brynn went out to the bus stop with their friends on the first day of school but stood on the sidewalk waving as the bus pulled away because we were loading up the car and heading out for Utah instead. Obviously a big move and change like this brings a lot of emotions with it. We have been trying to acknowledge the sad feelings, but focus on the positive things like: getting an extra two weeks of summer, an hour less of school each day, walking a few minutes to school instead of spending a half hour on a bus before and after school, already having friends in the ward and neighborhood instead of starting completely over in a new area, and of course living with Grandma and Grandpa! Overall the kids have all had pretty good attitudes about the move, but they still have their moments when they miss their old school and friends.

Since we will be living with my parents until we find a house we went ahead and enrolled Mason and Brynn at our alma mater - Cascade Elementary. It has been fun to be back in the school that holds so many memories for us. When the first day of school rolled around we were all equal parts nerves and excitement, but by the end of that first day the nerves were gone and we all could tell this is going to be a great year!!

 Because of our last minute enrollment we were placed on Track 2 which means the kids go to school from 9:15am - 3:30pm. I was originally hoping to get track 1 (8:00am - 2:15pm), but after a couple of weeks I am actually really liking our schedule on track 2. The kids wake up and are able to get ready at their own pace, we get piano practicing and homework done before school while the kids are well rested and fresh and then they are free to play and have fun the minute they walk in the door from school. Having an extra hour and 45 minutes with my kids each day has been AMAZING and our life feels so much more balanced than it has the last 2 years when the bus was picking them up at 8 am and dropping them off at 4 pm. 

Mason is starting 4th grade in Mrs. Ditto's class. He was disappointed to be leaving Rohwer because he will be missing out on HAL math and reading and playing the Cello in the 4th grade orchestra which he had been looking forward to for the last 2 years. It hasn't taken long for Cascade to win him over, though. He has already made some great friends and loves playing football at recess each day. He enjoys the independence of walking to and from school each day (and refuses to be seen walking with me if I walk with Brynn). He is very excited to be participating in the school wide STEM focused Apollo Project as well as the Robotics Club after school. Seeing Mason so happy and doing so well makes me so grateful for the opportunity we had to move back here when we did.

Brynn is in Mrs. Hoffman's 2nd grade class. Mrs. Hoffman is a good friend of Grandma Nancy's which eased Brynn's worry about being in a new school and new class, but she still started off the first day pretty shy and nervous. By the end of the day she had already made several cute little friends and was well on her way out of her shell. She has been looking forward to having homework in 2nd grade and is thrilled that she has a homework binder she brings home each day with Reading, Math, and Spelling assignments. After just the second day of school Brynn announced that even after we move into our own house she wants to stay at Cascade for the rest of the year "because it wouldn't be very nice for her to leave Mrs. Hoffman after such a short time".

First Day at Cascade Elementary

Miles is starting his second year of preschool at Miss Annette's ABC preschool. He will be going three days a week this year on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday mornings. Once he got past having to wear his slightly over-sized preschool shirt that all of the kids were asked to wear on the first day (he has serious issues with big shirts) then he was nothing but excited and had a wonderful day. After the first week I can already tell this preschool is going to be the perfect fit for him this year. Driving home he asked, "Mom, if we move can I keep going to this preschool because I really love it!"

It would be impossible for me to write this post without mentioning that there should have been one more back to school picture in this post. Ellie would have been starting preschool this year. I know her preschool experience would have been different because she would not be going to just any preschool I picked, but would be transitioning from the birth-3 early intervention program into one of the school district's preschools for special needs that incorporate the child's physical therapy, speech therapy, and occupational therapy into their school day. A lot of times they have spots in the classes for typical children as well and I had always imagined that I would enroll Miles in the same school for this year so he and Ellie could be together.

This picture of Natalie and her older brother Elijah on her first day of preschool was one of the first pictures I saw of a fellow 4p+ kiddo after receiving Ellie's diagnosis. I fell in love with it and it became my dream to see Miles and Ellie walking down the hall together on the first day of preschool. Now I look at this picture and my heart aches. Just another dream I've missed out on along the way. 

To end on a positive note, though, at least I get to spend my days playing with this chubster all day!

Grandma's Book Club

Screen shot of a book club Facetime

Last year, in an attempt to get my nephew, Cannon, more excited about reading my mom started a little book club with her, Mason and Cannon. They all read the first Percy Jackson book together. They would set a goal to read to a certain point and then Facetime to discuss what they had read and make predictions of what might be coming. Cannon and Mason both fell in love with Percy Jackson and each went on to read the entire Percy Jackson series as well as several other series by Rick Riordan. Last year's summer book club was such a success that she decided to do it again this year. The boys wanted to read a sports themed book and decided on the book Kid Owner by Tim Green. This year the girls wanted in on the fun. Rachel, Kennedy, and Brynn decided to read a Princess in Black book by Shannon Hale. They finished up so quickly they decided to do another book and chose Firefly Hollow by Alison McGhee and Christopher Denise. Brynn was so excited to be apart of something with her cousin in Utah and it really got her excited about starting to read longer chapter books (she has always been more of a fan of books she can finish in one sitting.) I am so grateful for my mom and her efforts to instill a love of reading in our kids.

Summer A.D.

Summer A.D. began when we returned from our trip to Utah. It was during this time that Scott found out about the possibility of a position within UP that could take us back to Utah. So not only were we trying to enjoy the final weeks of summer, but also trying to spend time with friends and complete our Omaha bucket list with a possible move looming in the near future.
We managed to get in a visit to some of our favorite places like the Zoo and Freemont Splash Station. We also tried out a few new places like Twin Rivers and Bounce U.
 As soon as we found out that Scott got the job and we were for sure moving things got a little bit crazy. We filled our days with as many goodbye play dates as we could and I spent my nights, between nighttime feedings with a 1-month-old, organizing and cleaning in preparation to sell our house and move. After several days of little to no sleep and a whole lot of stress I was a walking Zombie. So much so that after running errands for several hours one day I looked in the rear view mirror to find that without even realizing it I had been sporting a pair of sunglasses that was missing one lense the entire time. The kids and I all got a good laugh out of it and I made sure to get a little bit more sleep that night. One of the bonuses of moving to Utah was the kids got an extra two weeks added onto their summer since school starts later here. Those weeks were filled with all the business of moving, getting ready for back to school, and house hunting; but we were grateful for a little bit of time to get settled before diving into a new school year. As crazy as Summer A.D. turned out to be, it was still pretty great.

Henry Doorly Zoo

 Freemont Splash Station

Twin Rivers

Bounce U

Brynn's Omaha Bestie Collette Morrow

Losing my mind.