Hairdryer

All of our babies have had different things that soothed them whether it be a binky or thumb, swaddling or swinging, snuggling a blanket or twirling hair (theirs or mine). So for the last 7 weeks we've been trying all of these tried and true comfort items with Ryan without seeing a real preference for any of them. Thankfully Ryan is a good baby and doesn't usually cry unless there is a reason and is easily consoled, but there are times, like when he is in his car seat, when he is uncolsolible and we all would love to have something that would help calm him down. Well, I finally found something that soothes him in an unexpected place - a hairdryer. Last week we were all scrambling to get ready for church and Ryan would not, under any circumstance let me put him down without him wailing. I tried everything - the bouncer, the swing, the bed - but he just wanted to be in my arms. It finally got to the point that I just had to put him down and let him cry or I was never going to make it to church. So I put a sad and upset Ryan in his bouncer in my bathroom and began blow drying my hair. As soon as the hairdryer turned on Ryan stopped crying and froze. He didn't cry at all the whole time I did my hair, but as soon as I turned the hairdryer off he started back up again. So I left the hairdryer on the whole time I was getting ready. Worked like a charm. I started turning to the hairdryer to soothe Ryan more often and eventually I downloaded an app that does a hairdryer sound and now we play that whenever we are in the car and Ryan is upset and to help him fall asleep in his crib at night. It really is amazing to see how the minute I turn on the sound he stops crying and his whole body relaxes. I just love getting to know Ryan and discovering his own little preferences.

Murray Family Reunion - Zion

 As part of our stay in Utah this summer Scott took the big kids down to the Zion house for a Murray Family reunion. This was an extra fun year because all of his siblings and their families were coming out to be there, too. Unfortunately with Ryan being less than a month old we just didn't feel like it would work out very well for us to take him so I stayed back in Orem at my parents' while Scott and the kids went. It is a little bit of a challenge for me to write a post about a trip I wasn't on, so I'm just going to report the things that they came home talking about.

- They hiked to "the skinning dipping pool" (Apparently this is a nickname this hike acquired when Mike and Jennifer came across some skinny dippers there).

-While hiking around and playing near the falls Mason heard a rattle snake rattling right behind the rock he was on.

- Cousin Avery cracked her chin open doing tricks off the pool. Scott played paramedic with the first aid kit in our car, but ultimately it necessitated an hour drive to Kanab for stitches.

- The next day, Lisa took a golf club to the eye while playing mini golf with Lincoln and split her eye open - and a second trip to Kanab for stitches took place.

- Grandma Linda and Jennifer had some fun crafts planned for everyone. The kids loved decorating their "Zion shirts" with bleach (everyone's shirts seen in the picture below). Brynn made a yarn octopus with the girls.

I wish I had more to share, but honestly I think the greatest moments they had were having fun with and getting to know their cousins better.

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Rainbow Baby

"In some circles, babies born to families after the loss of a child are referred to as "Rainbow Babies." The idea is that the baby is like a rainbow after a storm. A "Rainbow Baby" is the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it doesn't mean the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds. Storm clouds may still hover but the rainbow provides a counterbalance of color, energy and hope."

I felt so much guilt during my pregnancy about having another baby - especially a healthy baby. I felt that to love this baby and to feel happiness and gratitude was wrong. I worried endlessly if Ellie knew my feelings and how much I wished she was still with us and that we could never replace her. In the hours after Ryan was born all the feelings of guilt and worry were washed away and I felt a peace and happiness deeper than I have ever felt before. I knew without a doubt that Ellie understood all the feelings of my heart and that her baby brother was sent to help us heal and bring happiness back into our lives; and that is exactly what she wants for us. Now as I sit and rock Ryan in my arms I think of this quote I heard after Ellie died:
"That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added until them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude." - Joseph B Wirthlin.
The last 6 weeks with Ryan have brought more happiness, joy, and hope than I ever thought I was capable of feeling again. He truly is our rainbow baby!

My good friend, Heidi Applegarth, took these beautiful pictures of Ryan when he was 10 days old as a baby gift for me. I love how they capture all his newborn sweetness. I am always so grateful for friends who share their amazing talents with me.

Mama's Boy

Thanks to the help of Scott and my parents, Ryan's first month has been pretty dreamy for the two of us. While they have been out keeping the big kids busy and filling their summer with memories, Ryan and I have been enjoying our time together. Our days have consisted of little more than snuggle. sleep. eat. repeat. After a month of having my undivided attention, Ryan has turned into quite the Mama's boy. He likes to be held (by me) All. Day. Long. He despises his car seat and therefore his stroller. He doesn't like to take a bottle or pacifier but would nurse around the clock if I let him. He loves having eye contact when being held and does not like to be put down or left alone. But you won't hear me complaining one single bit.
The special bond between newborn and mother was something I missed out on with Ellie. With Ellie hardly able to take a bottle the doctors informed me that breastfeeding would not be an option, but strongly encouraged me to pump, which I did for 3 months, so she could receive the benefits of breast milk. It may seem trivial after all we have been through, but still to this day one of my greatest losses with Ellie was the inability to breastfeed her. Breastfeeding fostered an indescribable bond with my other babies during the first few months of life and I didn't get to experienced that same kind of connection from the beginning with Ellie. I felt a huge void in our relationship. I was nobody to her. It didn't matter if I was there for every feeding or if someone took my place. She didn't get a special look in her eyes or calm down for me the way my other babies had. I was just like any other person to her. Add to that all the stress and medical issues we were dealing with and it felt more like I was working a never-ending, nightmarish shift at the hospital than getting to know my newborn. I felt more like her nurse than her mother. It wasn't until after Ellie got her trach that I began to feel a similar type of connection with her. She needed me. I was the person who could care for her best. I was her mother and she knew it. In the end Ellie and I shared an extremely deep connection, but it didn't happen in the first weeks of life. That is why this time around I am not taking a single moment of this newborn bliss for granted.
While I won't forfeit a single chance I have to snuggle up with my little Ry-guy, eventually I have to get something done around the house. All I can say is thank goodness for my new Solly Wrap. It snuggles Ryan up to my chest just the way he loves to be my arms are free to do what I need to. It's a win win for this Mama's Boy and me.

Swimmers

When I was young my brothers did swim team each summer. By the time I was 5 I wanted so desperately to do swim team with the big kids, not swim lessons like a baby. I begged, I pleaded, I'm sure there was some pouting and tantrum throwing in the mix as well. My mom really wanted me to do one more year of swim lessons, but I refused. So she did what every great mom does and she offered me a bribe. I can't remember the exact details of the negotiations, I just know that the end result was me getting my ears pierced when I was 5 instead of the previously set age of 8 and I completed my final year of swim lessons. The next year I started summer swim team and it was the highlight of my summer each year.
After having to sit through every swim practice and meet last year watching and cheering on Mason, Brynn decided she wanted to be ready to join the team this year. Understanding the feelings of a little sister I told her she would have to work hard over the winter to be ready for the summer, but that I would make sure she had the opportunity to do it. We found a wonderful swim school called Little Waves and she worked hard in her lessons all spring. When summer rolled around I knew it would push her, but felt confident that she was ready to join the swim team with Mason.
This year we opted for the Elkhorn Swim team instead of Zorinsky (I was extremely unimpressed with the coaching last year) and it was the best decision I've ever made. It was a completely different experience and much more like my memories of swim team. Their coach, Abby, was so great with the kids and their strokes improved drastically as well as their endurance and strength.
Mason had a great season where Butterfly continued to be his favorite stroke. This year there were enough boys his age on the team for him to participate in the medley relay each meet, which was probably the highlight for him. In the championship meet their relay team took first and Mason took 6th in backstroke. He was beyond thrilled to get a trophy and a medal!
I could not have been more proud of Brynn. She may not have been the fastest or won the most awards, but even as the youngest and smallest person on her team, she pushed herself her very hardest at every practice and every meet. She has the most beautiful backstroke and a pretty great freestyle as well. She still is working on butterfly and breaststroke, but they will come. She also enjoyed participating on a medley relay.
It was a great summer of swim team and I can't wait for next year.

Brynn and Claire Perkes

Fun with Grandma and Grandpa

The middle of summer is not what I consider an ideal time to have a baby because it brings all summer activities to a screeching halt as I recover and take care of a newborn. Lucky for my kids Grandma and Grandpa were here to swoop in and fill their summer with some fun adventures while I was out of commission.

My mom arrived in Omaha a couple days before I was scheduled to have Ryan. As always, it was so comforting having her there and knowing that the big kids would all be taken care of.  She helped keep up the big kids' summer schedule of tennis lessons and swim team as well as making meals and house keeping and allowed me to focus all my attention on healing, resting, and enjoying my newborn. A week after Ryan was born my dad flew out to join in the fun. The timing couldn't have worked out any better and he came while the College World Series and Olympic Swim Trials were taking over Omaha. The crew (minus me and Ryan) braved the sweltering heat and went to the first game of the championship series in the College World Series. The next day they were all able to go to the Olympic Swim Trials. They were able to watch swimmers like Michael Phelps, Ryan Lochte, Missy Franklin, and Katie Ledecky swim as they competed for spots on the US swim team for the Rio olympics. They even got to see Katie Ledecky up close when she got off an elevator as they were getting on. It was a really fun experience for the kids and made it so they felt a special connection to the swimmers during the olympics. 

After spending a week playing in Omaha my parents drove back to Utah taking the big kids with them so they could be there for Rachel Faye's baptism. This meant the big kids also got to be in Utah for the 4th of July and participate in things like the Freedom Run, Hale candy drop/water fight, and Cul de sac of fire. The kids had an absolute blast. 

Later in the week my mom took Mason and his friend, Daniel, to scout day camp at Jeremiah Johnson since they don't have anything like that in Omaha.

They finished off the week by taking a trip down to Burrville with all the Hale cousins. Two days full of fishing, 4-wheeling, carving with pocket knives, and shooting guns with their cousins was a dream come true for all of them.

Scott, Ryan, and I flew out to Utah that weekend and were waiting in Orem when they got back from Burrville. We decided to bless Ryan that Sunday before Scott and the kids took off down to the Zion house for the big Murray Reunion. Ryan and I stayed back at my parent's house for the week. After the reunion, Scott and the kids drove back to Omaha while Ryan and I flew back. It was unanimous that no one wanted to drive 14+ hours with a newborn who screams whenever he is in his carseat. That concluded the first month of Ryan's life and no one was complaining that they were bored or their summer had been ruined. It turned out to be a pretty great summer if you asked in of the kids.

Ryan's Blessing

Once we decided that Ryan and I were going to join the rest of the family out in Utah, we felt it would be the perfect time to bless him. So Sunday evening we gathered together with our families and Scott gave Ryan a name and a beautiful blessing. It was a wonderful evening spending time with parents, grandparents, siblings, and cousins that we don't get to see very often and they all got to meet Ryan.

The Murray family

The Hale family

Pooky, Papa, and Ryan

Proud Big Brother

Grandma and Grandpa

(Insert picture of three Murray babies and moms)