A couple weeks ago our friends invited us to spend an evening with them at a lake house that is only about 20 minutes away from our house. I spent the evening sitting in a camping chair enjoying the ideal weather and atmosphere as I watched my kids run around with friends, jump off the dock, swim in the lake, bury each other in the sand, and fish. The whole night felt pretty perfect - minus the extreme guilt I felt the entire time. I found myself keenly aware of the excessive amount of bugs, the smoke from the tiki torches we used for light, the sand getting absolutely everywhere - basically all the things that were not compatible with Ellie's trach. This was exactly the kind of outing we couldn't do with Ellie. It's moments like this that now cause me the most pain. How am I supposed to move forward and enjoy these moments knowing they are only possible because Ellie is gone. Isn't being happy and enjoying them saying that I am happy Ellie is gone? The truth is I would trade every single one of these outings for never being able to leave the house again if it meant having Ellie here with me again. But I can't.
It really was a great night full of wonderful memories and I am so grateful to our friends for inviting us.
.JPG)
Mason has been begging for us to take him fishing all summer and was thrilled we were finally doing it. The fishing we did was the real deal using live worms for bait and all. Mason and Brynn each caught a fish or two while Miles' caught more weeds than anything, but he didn't seem to be disappointed at all.
