He is Risen

For parents who have lost a child, holidays are often painful. But Easter - Easter is now more than just a holiday. Easter is peace. Easter is hope. Easter is a reminder of the love our Savior has for us. That he experienced all the pain and sorrow we feel and that through his grace we can feel peace. Easter is the celebration of Jesus Christ conquering death and the promise of seeing our loved ones again. Easter is a reminder that our family will be together forever. Simply put, Easter is EVERYTHING.
This year we started what I hope will become a new tradition. On Easter Sunday we had our Easter dinner up at Ellie's grave with all the Hale cousins and Pooky and Papa. When we picked out Ellie's spot, one of the things I loved most was that there are tables and benches nearby in the grove of trees. I imagined going there as a family and the kids running around playing in the trees and it being a happy place where we could all be together. Our Easter Dinner was a perfect version of that dream. After dinner my Dad gathered the grand kids around and gave a quick lesson on the Resurrection and what it means for us. Of course it wouldn't be a gathering at Ellie's without some bubbles. All in all it was a pretty perfect day.

One day, in the week leading up to Easter, the kids and I were talking about Resurrection and how in the Second coming Ellie will be Resurrected and her body will be made whole. She will no longer need her trach or feeding tube and she will no longer have the physical disabilities or mental delays she had during her mortal life. Mason thoughtfully said, "That kind of makes me sad. I love Ellie just the way she was and want her to be the same when we see her again." I couldn't agree more. I know it is a very mortal thought, but I often feel incredibly sad that I will never again be able to take care of Ellie the way I took care of her in this life. I will never get to stand over her sweet face doing her trach care or walk into her noisy room to find her proudly smiling up from her crib in the mess she made by disconnecting all her monitors and tubes. Of course I want her to be free from the pain and challenges she suffered in this life, but I loved Ellie just the way she was and wouldn't change a single thing about her. I explained to Mason that while I feel the same way, I also know that we knew and had a relationship with Ellie in our pre-mortal existence that we can't remember right now. When we are reunited with Ellie we will remember everything and I know we will be so happy to see Ellie in her true form again and we will have even more love for her than we do now because we will know her so much better. I am so grateful for the love each of my kiddos continue to have for Ellie and that she is never far from our thoughts.

Easter 2014

Becky's Surprise

Last weekend I had the chance to fly out to California with the Murray sisters for a wonderful girls weekend. It all started a couple months ago when Becky's mother-in-law and sister-in-law were planning a baby shower for her and thought it would be fun if all her sisters and sister-in-laws surprised her and flew in for the shower. They reached out to all of us to see if we were interested and miraculously the stars all aligned and several of us were free that weekend and were able to find super cheap flights. Just like that we were planning a fun little girls weekend.

Jenna, Janessa, and I had all arrived by Friday morning and spent the day being tourists in San Francisco. Countless memories were made that day as we drove around the crazy streets of San Francisco like trying to decide on places to eat. Janessa screaming hysterically as she drove up the almost vertical inclines, me directing Janessa through her parallel parking until we realized there was a back-up camera, being in such a rush to make our Alcatraz Ferry we forgot to pay for parking and getting a whopping ticket - and we didn't even make the ferry, just to name a few. After all the drama it took to get there, we took the ferry out to Alcatraz and did the audio tour. It was very interesting. All I could think about the whole time was how much Mason would love it. Later that night we picked up Jennifer and Aubrey from the airport and drove out to Tracy where Linda Pepperman and Jenny Silcox were graciously hosting us. 

The next morning when Becky arrived early for her shower she walked in to get the surprise of a lifetime when she rounded the corner to see all her sisters standing there. She was completely speechless and burst into tears. I don't think any of us had dry eyes either. She had not suspected anything at all and never would have thought that 5 of us would have left behind a total of 14 kids at home and flown in from 4 different states to spend the weekend with her. We all enjoyed meeting and visiting with Becky's friends and coworkers during her shower. Once it was over we went for a girls shopping trip and out to dinner. We wanted to make the most of our single day together so we stayed up until well after midnight talking and laughing together. It was so much fun as we reconnected and bonded. I can't remember the last time we were all together, let alone without kids. Not having any sisters myself, I am always so grateful when my in-laws welcome me so openly into their sisterhood. I'm also grateful for a wonderful husband who fully supported me in taking a much needed break. What a wonderful weekend!!

SURPRISE!

If there is one thing I have learned in 12 years of marriage it is that Scott is hard to surprise with a big gift. The hard part isn't pulling off the surprise. The hard part is trying to get Scott to let go of his OCD need to research every item he buys so he can be positive he is getting the most for his money (even when it isn't his money). This applies to everything from a shirt to a computer. Scott stresses a lot about purchases because he always has the fear there is something better out there that he will miss.  After many failed attempt at buying Scott a gift just for him to then research it on his own and end up returning my gift and getting what he found to be what he really wanted I just gave up. Instead of surprising him with things I just tell him what I'm planning on getting him and let him research to his hearts content and choose what he will end up getting anyway. I know it sounds lame (and it feels lame, too), but Scott is so much happier with something when he has thouroughly researched and found exactly what he wants.
So when I finally convinced Scott that it was time for him to upgrade to a new Mountain Bike this year and he turned to Steve to help him find the perfect bike I decided to take a chance and go for a big birthday surprise. Since he was looking to Steve to help guide him to the right bike anyway, I figured Steve could help guide me to the right bike without Scott knowing. So with a little sneaking Steve and I found a great bike for Scott. Steve did the negotiating and I picked the bike up and then stored it at Chris and Kacie's house until Scott's birthday. In the meantime Steve continued to humor Scott by looking for a new bike for him.
When Scott's birthday finally rolled around we set out the bike under one of the kids' awesome birthday posters. When Scott walked in the room and saw the bike I think his jaw might have actually hit the floor. It was quite possibly the greatest surprise I've ever pulled off.
In March Scott was able to take the bike down to Arizona to test it out with Steve. I am so glad that I was finally able to surprise him with something that he deserves so much.  

The Mazda

This is a story about a car - a 2006 Mazda 3 that we have owned for the past 5 years. But I am not just writing about a car. I am writing about my amazing husband and hope to illustrate one of the many reasons why I look up to him and I hope that one day my kids will follow his example.
The story begins clear back in 2004 when I fell in love with a boy who drove an old Toyota Corolla. It wasn't the type of car a girl would typically swoon over, but swoon is exactly what I did because whenever I saw that car parked out on the curb I knew that Scott wasn't far away. It was in that zippy Corolla that Scott and I shared our first conversations as we went on our first dates. Some girls might have looked down on someone driving such a little, old car, but for me it was one of things that made me know Scott was the kind of person I could marry one day. After all, I was driving a 1986 Toyota pickup myself. That car showed me he was a practical and humble college student who had his priorities in line. What's more is that Scott is actually quite a "car guy" who knows and appreciates all that a higher end car has to offer. He would talk about how he hoped to one day drive a nice truck, but was always realistic in knowing what he could afford in the here and now.
When we got engaged we pooled our limited savings and Scott researched and shopped around until he found a reliable car that we could afford to pay cash for since we didn't want a car payment while we were in school. I can promise you that our Mazda Millenia wasn't the car of his dreams, but he appreciated and took care of that car because he was proud that we had worked hard for it and it was our very own. After both of us had graduated college and we had our first child we decided it was time to invest in a family vehicle. Once again Scott went to work researching and shopping around until he found us an incredible deal on the car of my dreams (I'm not a car person so my dreams are much simpler than some). We have driven our Sequoia for nearly 9 years and it will likely be parked in our garage for at least a few more years. In the years following our Sequoia purchase our financial situation allowed Scott to keep his eye open for good deals on cars and through a couple of car purchases and sales for a gain in value Scott landed himself in his beloved truck. For the next year and a half Scott realized that owning a truck was just as awesome as he dreamed it would be. It was both a functional and fun car. I have to admit that even with me not being a car person AT ALL, I grew to appreciate the awesomeness of the truck. Why do I tell you all of this background? So that when I tell you the next part of the story you can understand what a sacrifice it really was.
In March of 2012, Scott was doing well in his job at NuSkin and was highly favored for a Director position that was opening up soon and I was in the final weeks of maternity leave and planning on only returning to work one day a week. In what can only be described as being blindsided by complete betrayal, Scott unexpectedly lost his job. (For the record several of the people involved in this decision have since contacted Scott to apologize and tell Scott that they were manipulated and didn't understand what was truly going on and this never should have happened to him). In the following days we both felt that this was the perfect opportunity for Scott to go back to school to get his MBA, something we had been considering for several years and now seemed as good a time as ever. This meant that I would be returning to work full time to support our family.  As soon as that decision was made Scott had made another decision, he was going to sell his beloved truck. He knew as much as he loved it that it was a luxury, not a necessity, and that the money we had invested in it was needed elsewhere at that time. He sold his truck for a considerable profit over what we paid for it. He then downsized to an affordable, used, gold Mazda 3 that was much for practical for a graduate student and used the remaining money to pay off our Sequoia and pay for his first semester's tuition. Not having a car payment for either of our cars allowed me to work part time instead of full time and was such a blessing for our family through all of the ups and downs the next few years held for us.
For the next 5 years Scott drove "The Mazda", as we all referred to it. I know it wasn't his favorite car, but I never heard a single complaint out of him. He drove it to and from Nebraska for his summer internship, including literally driving through a tornado in it. He drove it daily on his commute to and from work in downtown Omaha. He even drove it all winter long (a midwest winter none-the-less) without a working heater, can you say Brrrrrrr? In the last six months as the Mazda has approached 100,000 miles, problems have been popping up here and there and we decided it was time to get a new car. As always, Scott has been on the lookout for a good deal within our price range. So when an older (2007) Infinity FX35 in great condition with only 40,000 miles popped up I encouraged Scott to go for it. Even with a car that he loves as a possibility in front of him, Scott was very thoughtful about whether this was too frivolous of a purchase, and whether he could find an even more affordable option elsewhere. There were so many reasons why it was a good choice, like the fact that he would be finally be able to fit his new bike in his own car to go biking instead of always having to arrange to take the Sequoia. But the thing that finally made him decide to get it was the fact that it has all wheel drive which will make it safer for me when I'm driving it home from work in the early mornings before the roads are plowed.  I love seeing Scott so excited and happy about the car he is driving. In a time when the majority of our generation has a skewed perception of what are necessities and what are luxuries, I am so grateful to be married to such a practical and hard working man who lives within his means and avoids unnecessary debt. Again, I know this had been quite the ramble, but I really wanted to write this all down in hopes that one day our children will look to their father as an example as they too make responsible decisions for their families. And if you see a good looking guy cruising around in this car, give him a wave!

Getting Dressed

Boys in their matching Grandma's Sleepover Outfits

When I was a young girl in Elementary school I had some very strong preferences about the clothes I wore. There was nothing I despised more than wearing socks. Socks were just soooo uncomfortable. They were either too big or too small, too tight or too loose, and I absolutely hated the way they bunched up in my shoes causing mooples (a term coined by 2-year-old Chris for wrinkles in your socks). I lived out most my childhood in bare feet or sandals, but once I started school those glorious days came to an end. The school dress code required that closed toe shoes be worn at all times on school grounds. By the end of my half day of kindergarten I just couldn't bare wearing those socks and shoes for one more second so as soon as I crossed the street and was off school property I would sit down on the corner and take off my shoes and socks before walking the final three houses home. By about third grade I was tolerating wearing socks better, but now could not stand the feeling of pants - especially jeans. When my mom would make me wear stretch pants (those were the only kinds of pants I would even think about wearing) as soon as I got to school I would roll them up above my knees into a pair of shorts. My rationale was why is it acceptable to wear pants and t-shirt but not shorts and long sleeves. In one your arms are exposed and one your legs are exposed. Same thing, right? After my teacher told my mom what I had been doing my mom gave up the fight and let me wear shorts when I insisted. 

You know that saying what goes around comes around? Well those clothing battles I fought as a kid have come back around to bite me as a parent as I face almost daily struggles over what Mason is going to wear. You would think my girl would be the high maintenance one in regards to clothes, but in our house the boys have Brynn beat in these matter. 

When we first moved to Omaha it didn't take long for Mason to notice that all the kids there (and a lot of adults, too) wear athletic clothing All. The. Time! More often than not it was Under Armor brand as well. Over the years this led to Mason refusing to wear anything other than athletic clothing every day even if it meant pulling clothes out of his hamper and wearing the same outfit day after day. Believe me when I say we have had many a morning battle over what he is wearing to school. I have bought him nice jeans and shirts that he flat out refuses to wear and they end up sitting in his drawer with the tags on for months on end until they no longer fit him. This year he has become increasingly particular in that he won't even wear sweat pants anymore because they get wet when he runs around in the snow at recess and bother him. So now he insists on wearing basketball shorts every single day. For fear of the school reporting me to DCFS when my child shows up wearing shorts all winter, we finally compromised that he would wear leggings under his shorts. He decided that was cool and agreed to that and now there isn't a day you won't find Mason in basketball shorts with leggings and a t-shirt with a hoodie or pull over on top because he also hates wearing coats. I have decided to save my battles for other, more important things, and am at peace with it. 

But the struggle doesn't end with Mason. It's nothing new for me to report that Miles prefers to dress in basketball clothes each day as well. The truth is that he has broadened his wardrobe options significantly this year to include a few superhero and ninja turtle t-shirts, but you will still never see him voluntarily wearing a pair of pants no matter how cold it gets. The boy loves his shorts. He will dress himself in shorts and then insist that "I'm not even cold!" even when his teeth are chattering and his legs are covered in goosebumps. The other thing that Miles has started obsessing over with his clothes is having his shirt tucked in. He just cannot stand having long t-shirts that are untucked. Sure I think it looks a little silly, but it really doesn't bother me that bad. What does bother me is when he gets upset and frustrated when it isn't tucked in perfectly straight and is a little wrinkled.
Thank goodness that Ryan is still young enough not to have an opinion on what he wears.

Miles Moments

Miles is a pretty funny kid and keeps me smiling and laughing all day. I find myself texting and calling Scott almost daily to tell him about a funny interaction or conversation I had with Miles. I decided I better take the opportunity to write some of them down. Here are a few stand out stories I remember from the last few months. 

• When practicing for their Preschool Christmas Program, Miss Annette asked if he knew his part for Twas the Night Before Christmas and he confidently said yes. He walked up to the front and without hesitation recited his Primary program part from the month before, "Jesus Christ is my Savior and Redeemer."  Oops, wrong part. His teacher told me it was one of the best moments she's ever had in preschool.
• One day Miles was playing a board game with Scott and when Scott came from behind and won he was really upset and looked at Scott and shouted out, "You're bald!" as the biggest and worst insult he could think of. 
• Grandma Nancy is always making deals with the kids as incentives (i.e. I'll make you a deal, if you do what your mom asks you can play on my phone.) One day Miles was upset and throwing a tantrum and as he lay thrashing on the floor he started saying, "Give me a deal, Grandma, give me a deal!" We all got a good laugh out of it and now we all ask Grandma to "give me a deal."
• The kids get an allowance each week to teach them how to first pay their tithing and put some money in savings and then to learn how to save and budget their money. Miles has the hardest time with this and every week when he gets his money he immediately wants to go to the store and spend it. I guess we tell him a lot that it would waste his money when he wants to buy random things just to buy something because now he thinks that to waste your money means the same thing as to spend your money. Today he spent the morning begging me to take him to the store so he could "waste all my money". Once at the store he repeatedly asked me, "Will this waste all my money?" instead of "Will this use all my money?". When I tried to talk him into waiting one more week so he could get the transformer he really wanted he kept whining, "I want to waste all my money now!" 
• Miles is a sweet little boy, but there comes a time each afternoon when he gets tired and he turns into a different child. At this time we could offer him a million dollars and he would whine and complain about it. Some of his famous complaints are: you're the worst, that is boring! That is AWFUL! or if he is really upset that is Boring Awful! One day we were with a lot of  people and Miles was very frustrated. Apparently he didn't want to make a spectacle in front of everyone so he came and whispered in my ear, "You're the worst!" Now we all use that as code for I love you.
• Another day at preschool the class went for a walk outside as part of an activity they were doing. Miss Annette told me that as they were walking Miles started chanting B-Y-U! B-Y-U! and pretty soon he was leading the whole class in a chant as they walked. She said this was a preschool first for her. Since then there have been several days when the kids come walking out after school chanting B-Y-U! I'm so proud.

Ski Utah

There is a song that was popular when I was in high school that has the line, "You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone." Never was this more true than when we moved to Nebraska and left behind, "the greatest snow on earth" that had been in our backyard our entire life. Since moving back we have made it a goal to take advantage of living next to the mountains that we missed so much and to go skiing more as a family. 

At the end of December Scott and I snuck off for a date night of skiing/snowboarding with Steve and Jenna while they were in town. This is something we have always talked about doing with them, but between pregnancies and babies Jenna and I have never been able to go at the same time. Because of scheduling child care and because it was cheaper we ended up night skiing at Brighton. Besides it being quite a bit colder, I actually really love night skiing. I have said it before, but skiing with Scott is one of my favorite dates. We get the fun and excitement of skiing down the mountain and then we get to enjoy sitting on the lift together talking and enjoying each other's company. Every time we are on the lift together I am reminded of the story of Scott's first time on the tow rope when he was learning how to ski as an adult. He fell and struggled to get up as he was dragging behind the tow rope instead of just letting go. It makes me laugh so hard I cry every time I think about it.

This ski trip, however, the joke was on me. It is pretty pathetic how out of shape I am and how weak my legs are. It made for a lot more falls and my leg wore out super fast. Jenna and I ended up calling it a night early and enjoying hot chocolate in the lodge while the boys did a few more runs.

Steve, Jenna, Brian, Justin, Rachel, and Scott

Proof that I might be getting too old to snowboard

Today we took the kids up to Brighton for an early Valentine's Day gift and enrolled all of them in ski lessons for the day.
 Mason was in a higher level that got to go around on the big mountain where he learned several tips and tricks to help him take the next step in his skiing. After his lesson was over he was a total skiing machine and wanted to keep going. He continued to ski for the next 2 1/2 hours on his own, checking in with us at the bottom of each run. It is so great to see him so confident and independent.
I underestimated Brynn's skiing ability and put her in too low of a level, but she still had fun and her confidence grew a ton. After her lesson was over she wanted to keep going so Mason came over to the easier lift and the two of them did 4 or 5 runs together.
Miles first time on skis was a huge success. He did so great in his lesson and was so excited to be "skiing down the mountain." He gave it his all and after his lesson was over he crashed asleep in my arms. I wish I could have joined him for a nap since I had been awake for over 24 hrs having worked a night shift the night before and then leaving for skiing as soon as I got home, but we just snuggled in the ski lodge where I had the perfect view to watch the big kids skiing on the small lift right outside the window.
It was such a great day. It was fun watching each of the kids make so much progress. I definitely see a lot of family ski outings in our future.